Name changed and bit of background. Left exH nearly two years ago. Two DC. Our marriage consisted of emotional abuse, cheating & controlling behaviour and in the end I’d had enough. To everyone else he seems charming, kind, perfect etc and it’s all an act.
I have made a BIG effort to distance myself from him since split however several things have happened recently that have really pissed me off.
- I had to go to hospital recently for a minor and private op. I told ex as he was looking after DC but said don’t mention to DC or anyone else. So to my surprise a mum at school came up to me asking how my op went. When I asked her who had told her she said exH! I was fuming, said oh I’m fine and made some excuse to leave. Then my neighbour (who I didn’t even know was in contact with exH) asked me the same thing!! I was mortified!!! Neighbour said he had bumped into exH and had told him. I didn’t even tell my own family about the op! I confronted exH who basically brushed it off and said ‘Oh they asked how you were and I told them.’ Complete invasion of privacy!
- ExH has been interfering with several friendships. I used to be very good friends with a mum at school and we had playdates round each others house. One time when with her, exH appeared and flung his arms around her, kissed her, told her how great it was to see her and they need to catch up. I didn’t know they knew each other so well and this excessive display of affection was cringe-worthy to watch! He completely ignored me of course. School friend is married but seemingly loved the attention. At the time I asked if she wanted to arrange a playdate and she told me she had already arranged one with exH and was going round his house that week with my DC! I was a bit speechless at the time but thought fair enough - they can arrange their own playdates if they want. However after that exH offered to babysit her DC a few times and arranged more playdates with her and overtime has shut me out of the equation. I thought the whole thing was weird, she seemed to distance herself from me as well and now we rarely speak! I hear about their playdates from DC.
- Another good friend had a BBQ at her house. On that day I asked exH to drop off DC at BBQ. Somehow he ended up staying for a while, talked to my friend (who he’d never met before) got her phone number and later messaged her saying how great it was to meet her and asking to arrange a play date with her and her DC (without me obviously)! She is one of my best friends!!
- I was dating someone a few months ago, it didn’t last long and he didn’t meet DC. When exH found out I was dating someone he said he wanted to meet him! I said ‘er no!!’ And exH fed some rubbish about how anyone meeting DC needs to see him first for his approval. Wtf?
This behaviour isn’t normal is it? Is he trying to make me jealous/steal these people from me/control my life? There are more things but I don’t want to bore you with details. I know these things don’t seem big but collectively I feel like exH is inferring with my life and friendships. It seems like he is trying to compete in some way and I don’t want to be part of his silly games. Obviously ex has to be in my life to an extent because of DC but I want to live an independent life away from him. I have made a big effort to see him as little as possible and don’t tell him anything about my personal life any longer but still feel very trapped - people knowing about my recent op has made me feel very unsettled for some reason. I think it has reminded me how controlling he used to be when we were together, there were never any boundaries and he used to share a lot of my private info back then too.
Steps forward - what else can I do to stop him inferring/affecting my life?