End of marriage help

[mrsanflowerpot]

Long term lurker not sure what to do. DH and I have been married for 12 years with two DCs (5 and 10). In the last couple of years our marriage has broken down, I dealt with a situation where a child I knew professionally committed suicide and I found her, DH found it hard to support/understand what I was going through as he wanted me to throw myself into the family and move on. Things have become increasingly worse and in the last couple of months the strain has been immeasurable. Last week we had a huge argument where he said the marriage was over and I should leave, I said that I didn't want our marriage to be over, but I couldn't and wouldn't leave and we needed things to be amicable. He has an awful temper, I tend to cry when angry which annoys him, but no real temper. He says things to and about me that isn't great for our DCs but he is an excellent dad. We had another disagreement tonight before he left for work and he's said he is going to continue to make it such an unpleasant atmosphere that I will leave the family home. I don't have anywhere to go or any family, if I do that it will mean leaving the children here, which I can't ever imagine doing. But I also feel like I'm being driven to the edge and can't imagine how I'm going to stay in this situation. I know there are no answers, I just felt the need to share it with someone as there isn't anyone in RL.

Don't leave the house OP. Talk to a solicitor asap. Don't be bullied.

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you.

Hey I’ve just read this and couldn’t read without replying I’m very new to mums net but feel like maybe a problem halved is a problem shared. Have you maybe discussed seeking some therapy about dealing and coming to terms about the tragic things you’ve seen. And maybe your hubby seeking some advice about his anger issues. Hope this helps xxxx

I agree, don’t leave your home and see a solicitor.

Hi I am going through a break up myself of long term relationship with some similarities as in kids and struggling to support me (each other if honest) I have been confinsed that my wife is keeping something from me affair/one night stand maybe even with another woman ,I have left the family home as I can’t get any awnsers to the list of mysteries that has happened but she says she is just as upset as I am because I don’t trust her she is the only person I have trusted but I feel I can’t blindly trust and there has been so many things with no awnsers so it has made question everything she does where I have even had enough of me I’ve starting to call names and hate myself for it as when I take a step back it’s like being a child all over again hearing my parents even though that was whole different kind of wrong , you said you have no family which is sad I have managed to go to my mums only person I have and she was driven away from me when I was 11 by my abusive father, I didn’t have to leave but if I stayed without things being resolved I could see my self drowning in self pity, I look after my kids nearly everyday at home still then leave when my wife is home , I have always wanted to travel my kids are 3 and 13 I am thinking of going for 6-9 months and getting a spring in my step I know I will miss them but my 13 yr old could possibly come meet me in the summer , but would I be leaving them at a time they need me the most . I know this doesn’t help you much but my thinking is me gone for that time and coming back happy would be better than me bringing them down it is extremely hard for my 13yr old as I have got so close to 3yr old as much job allows me to look after her in afternoons I’m hoping he doesn’t think I love her more as he sees me with her but he’s at that teenage dirt bag stage and I feel I have to be on his case I’m his dad not Friend,the other month a teacher told (along these lines ) if I was a student I’d give u a smack, and my son told his mum but didn’t want me to know because he thought I would go up and get in trouble ,at that point I felt for my son because that happened to him and he’s worrying about me when he is a child who had just been verbally abused,it’s things like that makes me want to get away take stock ,make the people that love me happy and not be a burden, so I’m thinking whatever my wife may have or may not done is irrelevant I need to get happy and look forward to things,, sorry for taking your thread u just put you would share so I thought I would, I always say to my son if anyone is abusing you in anyway you make sure you tell someone and make them listen even if that person is me hurting him, the thought of people you love not being able to turn to someone when there DROWNING s horrible my mum had to leave me behind to start again I hated her for years but I now know she had no choice and she has the biggest heart and is so generous I have picked up some good traits from her but some bad ones from my dad even though I’ve dealt with most of them as a teenager I want banish them all together,

OP I’m sorry you are dealing with this; your DH shouldnt be saying nasty things to you or about you that is very wrong and not “good dad” behaviour. Do not leave get legal advice and as much support as you can. Best wishes

I recently went to see a solicitor who told me not to leave the family home. I suggest seeking counselling for you to help you figure out a way through this. I also suggest taking the heat out of talking to your DH by emailing or writing to him. We often don’t write what we might say verbally. If he really wants to split, then you should both come to agreements over the house and the kids. Making it so unpleasant that you need to leave isn’t a fair solution. Go see a solicitor and get some proper advice

Urgently seek legal advice if you can afford it. I don’t believe he really is an excellent dad if he behaves like this - they aren’t the words and actions of a nice man. He should want what is best for the children and have reasonable discussions with you about how that can be achieved. Do you usually split working and looking after the children equally or does one of you spend more time with them?