Husband had an affair

[Soconfused19]

Hi,
I've been with my husband for 19 years, married 14. I found out he was having an affair with a much younger girl from work.
I kicked him out that night. We had the best relationship you could have asked for. Done so much together, had a fantastic sexual relationship and so may plans for the future and this year alone so obviously I'm totally devastated. 3 days after I found out he begged for forgiveness and said he'd beg everyday for the rest of his life, that he'd earn my trust that he'd do absolutely anything and could we go to Councilling. I met him that night to talk and more lies. That was it, he turned full circle after that night and he hasn't asked once since. I knew he was back in contact with your one then and he wanted nothing to do with me. Won't answer my questions or texts unless it's about the kids. I asked him was our 19 years worth nothing to him that he won't fight for it and he said I don't think I'll ever forgive him and I'll just keep throwing it back in his face. I asked him is he throwing it all away for her and he didn't answer, he said they're texting and he won't be able to stop but doesn't think he wants a relationship with her. I said she'll be leaving the country soon anyway and will it be all worth it. I don't want him back I know that but I would like answers. And why is he so angry with me when I done nothing wrong. I can't understand why he'd throw away what we had when it was so special for a fling. Before I found out he was telling me how much he loved me and he couldnt live without me

Exactly right @Potatonose, word for word. So sick of hearing people blame the victim (the one cheated on).

I wasn’t victim blaming - I was referring to the relationship having a problem.

I don’t know why OP’s husband cheated. Some people cheat because their relationship isn’t going well and want a way out. Some people cheat because of the thrill of it - even that stems from a poor relationship.

I have never heard of anyone being cheated on when their relationship is wholly perfect. There’s always some reason. I was simply highlighting that to OP: that the way she sees her relationship may not be the way he was seeing it.

I disagree with that lovinglexo. My H had an emotional affair many moons ago , he fully admits that he wasn’t unhappy with me, he was unhappy with life and himself, it was used as a ‘buzz’ , a fun distraction in his head from a lot of things going down in life that were sad and nasty and not related to me. I think many affairs happen because people want to get out of ‘groundhog day’ and when they come to their senses realise the unhappiness relates to them internally rather than the relationship, however often the damage is done and it’s too late to make it right.

@lovinglifexo
We really did have a fantastic relationship and nothing changed but I did have a feeling something wasn't right. He's now in a relationship with her doing the exact same things we've always done together. Same life but different person. He's not even bothering with our kids anymore. It's just so so infuriating and hurts alot. I just can't understand how he can delete our whole life together

I once asked a man who had had an affairI why He did it.

When he he said he wasn't happy with his relationship.

I said but some men have affairs who are happily married.

And he said he disagreed.

Straight from the horse's mouth is to speak.

I have a friend who treats her dh like s**t.

He's desperate to be heard but it's all about her and her problems.

I think if any one gave him half an ear he'd be off.

You may never get answers but remember the Grass is never greener ....,,

@Myheartbelongsto yes I am