No intimacy

[isthisnormal27]

First time post looking for advice.

Me and my partner are in our mid to late twenties have been together for over 5 years. We get on well and rarely if ever argue, he is a supportive partner and definitely puts himself out to make me happy. Is kind, caring, generous, understanding etc. But it feels like we are more like good friends/house mates than partners. There is hardly any intimacy, sex happens a few times a year and no sex yet this year! We rarely kiss other than a peck goodbye. No flirty behavior, we do cuddle but that's about it.

It is slowly eating away at my confidence, I feel like he doesn't find me attractive, he says he does. I'm a petite size 8, haven't changed since we met. He never compliments me on looking nice, he says because he thinks I always look nice.

I don't understand how he can be happy with the lack of intimacy. He's never been much of a talker or one for showing his emotions, that's part of his personality. We have often talked about engagement, marriage, children. So it's not like he doesn't see this a long term thing. We also bought a house together and at the time I asked him if that's what he really wanted and he was really committed, happy in the relationship.

I doubt very much he's having an affair he works full time and if he's not at work or doing hobby he's at home. Happily leaves phone around, no password and if I need to use if not got mine he'll happily chuck it over for me to use.

When I've brought it up in conversation he says it's normal in long term relationships but is it? Admittedly I haven't started initiating things with him maybe I need to but it's been like this for that long it almost feels awkward now. Does anyone have any advice, experience on this? I'm in my twenties and he was my first proper serious boyfriend when I was still a teenager. I don't know if this is normal in a long term relationship once honeymoon period is over or should it be different? It's leaving me feeling unloved and not attractive. I'm worried the relationship is dead and we have a house/mortgage and have built a life together.

My ex was like this. Turned out he was gay. It wasn’t a complete waste as we have a couple of great kids, but I wonder what that 20 years would have been like in a happy intimate relationship.

Thanks for all your comments. I think it's been made clear we really do need to talk and be honest with each other. He does look after me, he is a lovely person, no question on that.

Marriage and children not on the cards atm. These are things that we've spoke about in our long term plan when we discuss the future. All just naturally no serious discussions. But as mentioned we'd struggle to even conceive anyway how things are atm.

I will have a look at some of links and book recommendations. I don't want to make a hasty decision to leave someone who is a lovely, caring, supportive, respectful partner.

At least I now know this isn't normal and we need to rectify it or if it comes to it separate.

He may have issues from a previous relationship or childhood. I never and still haven't had a full explanation, being gay in denial was also a thought of mine. I've racked my head for years looking for reasons yet grateful for the respectful and friendship we had.
However this will rear its head at a later date, just be aware how this can effect you long term.
Plus there are other decent men out there who do want intimacy.
Just don't sell yourself short but hopefully talking and maybe counselling may help you both, good luck