Phone behaviour

[unsureinsecure77]

Need some perspective here please MN!

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now. All good generally, he's attentive, loving, kind and seems really genuine.
Due to being hurt quite badly in the past I've wanted to take things very slow which he's accepted and always been fine with. He's generally just really lovely.
I admit I'm an over thinker. Was with someone for a while who was a pathological liar and he made me feel like I was insane every time I discovered another one of his lies. Thankfully that is long behind me and I'm ok but as a result of that I do think I tend to be more on the lookout for signs/ red flags.
This is where my problem lies^^ and I'm aware how stupid it sounds written down. The way my bf is with his phone really niggles me and makes me worry that he's potentially hiding something from me. He takes it everywhere with him, as in if he leaves the room to go to the toilet he takes it with him. He has all his security/ online features disabled so can't see when he's online etc which is fair enough as work pester him a lot but he recently said he was turning off notifications on his WhatsApp - I asked why and he said something about he was fed up of it disturbing him and when I asked who messages him on there he was like 'oh no one just a work group' ??
In other ways he's open with it, he gave me his passcode a while ago (not because I asked, he was driving and asked me to google something on his phone - I've never snooped on him) and he regularly shows me things on there but it just really makes me nervous that he is so private with it I guess.
I haven't questioned him as I'm fully aware this could stem from my past experience and don't want to create an issue where there isn't one but that's why I'm posting on here to get some sensible opinions on this.
I will say he hasn't done anything to suggest I can't trust him in any other way, just this ☹️

I take my phone to the toilet as I like something to read.

My partner has my pass code and doesn't snoop but if I was showing him something on face book he would go ooh look you have a message and 'helpfully' press the icon for me. Really so he could check up but without sneaking.
He also asks me who I have been talking to if I go on whatsapp and don't message him. It annoys me and makes me feel like turning off the online notifications.

I have absolutely nothing to hide but I also don't see why I should justify every message I send or receive.You say you asked him who messages him, do you check up on him in other subtle ways that could be frustrating him?

If he gave you his pass code and access to his phone I doubt he has anything to hide.

I only asked him in response to him declaring he was turning them off as he made it sound like he was being bombarded by people and when he said it was only a work group my first thought was why not just turn off notifications for that group? He was reading through the work chat the other day while I was with him and I could see he had 3 unread WhatsApp messages but no I didn't question him on who they were from, although the alarm bells in my head obviously rang out that other people must message him on there too.

It's the one and only time I've asked him though, I've never asked about anything else as I'm fully aware of how annoying that would be. Plus I don't want to be someone who's constantly checking up on him, if this is going to work I know I have to be able to trust him. I struggle to look at things objectively sometimes due to being repeatedly lied to and made to doubt myself for many years which is why I wanted to get some opinions on it. Thank you

I'm not sure op as after my husband having an affair (and leading up to finding out, him being very close to his phone at all times), I'm not sure i'll ever really trust anyone again. It's just so easy to be unfaithful in broad daylight now with social media/whatsapp, etc.

If it were me (now, after my experiences) I think I would want to ask why he takes his phone everywhere with him. Maybe not in a confrontational manner but if it bothers you then that's not going to go away.

Thanks @Sunshineandflipflops
It's nice to hear both perspectives to be honest.
We do talk openly about things generally so perhaps next time he does it I might just ask why. It's not a new thing, he's always done it so perhaps it's just habit. It's literally the only niggle I have with him, I suppose I don't want to burst our little bubble by making him think I don't trust him but you're right it won't go away on it's own will it?

Well of course other people message him on there. It's a messaging app. But just as likely to be his mum/best mate/great aunt three times removed as another woman.

Unless there are other warning signs, I think you might be reading too much into it.

I pretty much take my phone everywhere with me. I'm not cheating. I just like having it with me and worry about losing it.

I also have unread messages..usually from groups or where I've seen the reply and can't be bothered to click on it.

Well the thing is if someone has suffered from a controlling ex, they might equally have trust issues about the questions you want to ask and your need to intrude.

Your trust issues are yours not his. He doesn’t need to change. You will never have assurance and the thing you need to be able to do is deal with that not check up and question him. If you are not able to cope with the risks of a relationship don’t be in one.

As far as I'm aware his ex wasn't controlling. They separated amicably and are still on friendly terms.
I just wanted to know everyone's thoughts as like I said I'm fully aware my past has probably clouded my judgement a bit. I'm fully aware that my trust issues are my issues and not his, I'm also really trying to not let them affect my relationship with him because for the first time in a long time I feel like I've found someone decent
Thank you for your help

We do talk openly about things generally so perhaps next time he does it I might just ask why. It's not a new thing, he's always done it so perhaps it's just habit.

I wouldn't do this op, he's hardly going to say, 'oh it's because I'm having an affair'... he'll come up with a plausible sounding answer which may or may not be true, you'll be none the wiser and he wouldn't be unreasonable to feel annoyed that you're checking up on him.

I don't think anything you've said sounds suspicious, he's allowed to talk to his friends without informing his girlfriend about every conversation. I completely understand why you feel how you do, but honestly I would try to let it go unless he gives you a reason not to trust him.

I hope that didn't sound harsh, it wasn't meant to.

@LegoMonkeys no it doesn't sound harsh. It's what I needed to hear to be honest. Reading these responses has put my mind at rest to a degree in that I do now think it's more likely to be my brain working overtime and creating problems where there aren't any.
If there were any other signs that he was up to something then I'd maybe not let it go but there really isn't anything else to make me doubt him. He's always doing little things to let me know he's thinking of me, always where he says he's going to be, he's never let me down etc so I think I need to accept this is probably just the way he is with his phone.
He doesn't have any social media so it's not like he's got loads of platforms to 'do' anything on anyway.
Wish I could turn my stupid brain off sometimes!

Good god woman! Stand down! I think that unless you're planning to live with him/ have his children/ get married etc then I'd just let this one go for now. He's not doing anything wrong as you know and please don't 'casually' bring it up with him because you'll sound suspicious, controlling and jealous.

You're only a year in. Just enjoy his company and it'll soon flag up as time goes by if you've got anything to worry about.

How did you meet? Via a dating site? Are you concerned he's chatting to other woman or just general mistrust?

@BatFace1 yes we met on a dating website. My fear is that he's talking to other women but I know it's probably an irrational fear.
We deleted our profiles together and it was him who made the first move with that, saying he wasn't interested in anyone else and had removed all the apps from his phone already.
We have discussed the future but only loosely, he certainly seems to want the whole marriage/ living together & kids thing eventually although is happy with the pace we're going at the moment.
I know everything you're saying is right and I need to relax and enjoy it for what it is, thank you

Has he always been this way or has he recently changed to take his phone everywhere? That would be an indicator of something potentially amiss to me.

@Needsomebottle no he's always done it to be fair to him. He's happy for me to use his phone though, he'll often ask me to choose the music if we're in his car and using the Bluetooth

I don't think I would be too concerned then, I can understand how and why you have the insecurities but unless anything else makes you wonder just enjoy what you have . And I speak as one who's partner has been up to no good on the phone!