Bf touches me in his sleep wwyd?

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I've been with my boyfriend almost a year, it's going well and honestly he has been a breath of fresh air since my ex was abusive emotionally and financially.

There's just one thing, to put it bluntly if he goes to sleep horny sometimes he ends up sort of groping me in the night when he's asleep, almost like trying to initiate sex.

In 10/11 months he has been so respectful and patient, never pushed or nagged for sex and just overall lovely, respectful of his family and mum and sister etc so I do think treats women well.

I truly believe he's asleep when it happens, it's the early hours and he's sometimes been snoring, it's usually a clumsy sort of movement not like if he was awake and when I move or roll him away he'll just continue sleeping!

Has anyone experienced anything like this? It's only happened a handful of times but I'm not sure whether to mention it as it seems like it's out of his control and honestly I think he would be mortified!

If he is truly asleep there is nothing you can do about this, as his actions are not under his voluntary control. And unlike snoring, there isn't really anything to try to alleviate it.

So, like intractable snoring, you either have to put up with it, or sleep separately. I realise that's not a great pair of options, but they are the only ones which exist.

You do need to tell him about it though. Because even though he can't actually help it when genuinely asleep, it's better that he knows he does this sometimes (and the snoring) and that sometimes you will not have slept well because of it

Hi, welcome to my world! My fiancé does this. He’s always done it, so he told me when we got together. It’s not too often, sometimes when he’s stressed, sometimes if we’ve not had it in a while. Funnily enough last night he started gropping (we have a 5 month old so I’ve been too tired lately), I just push his hands away or say loudly let me sleep and he’ll either just go back to sleep or semi wake realising what he’s done and say sorry and give me a cuddle then fall back asleep. He genuinely is asleep when he’s doing it.

I do honestly believe he's asleep! Nothing about it seems to indicate he's awake and if he a move him he's a proper dead weight which is hard to fake!
It's not a deal breaker to be fair it's been maybe 3/4 times in nearly a year and when I shuffle or move it stops 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's just so odd and I wondered if anyone else had experience, I think I will tell him if it happens again, I just almost feel bad for him, he would feel guilty I'm 100% certain and it really does seem out of his control

Well if it was me personally, I'd probably bring it up and have a laugh about it with my bf because we're comfortable enough with each other to talk about this kind of thing.
Nothing you describe suggests he's doing it consciously and if he just carries on sleeping when you move away then it does sound like it's out of his control
I've been known to wake up with a hand on my bf's penis which has obviously crept there in the night without me knowing but he never complains. Likewise if he did the same to me I'd not have an issue (I don't have a penis but YKWIM!)
If it's something that really bothers you then I guess you need to try talking to him to find a solution for both of you.

I'm not that I believe this, however if I were you I'd put a big bolster cushion along the middle of the bed. If he gets past that I'd elbow him in the face "in my sleep".

@MsMustDoBetter it’s genuine, my partner does it. We’ve been together 5 years now and he’s always done it a few times a year.

Thanks for all the replies! Glad we're not the only ones I have never experienced it before or heard of anyone else having it so was baffled!

It's not that it bothers me I just really feel a bit odd and unsettled, I think that laughing it off is the best way, next time it happens I'll wake him up and point out what he's trying to do, and we can have a giggle together, bringing it up in the cold light of day might make it seem a bigger deal than it is

It’s called sexsomnia and it’s a thing

www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/320448.php

My husband does this- always has. Best to put a body pillow between you if it’s annoying because I’d say it’s involuntary while sleeping.

My partner occasionally does this, and I love it. Love sleepy , dreamy sex. I wouldn’t be so enthusiastic if I hadn’t a young baby though.

had

My partner tries full blown sex with me.... once I was up for it and he woke up half way through!

I think you need higher expectations of men.
Not pushing or nagging for sex is normal - it's not "so respectful" or "so patient" - it's just what normal adults do.
Groping you 'in his sleep' isn't ok - he needs to control himself.

@Creamwhite my point was that he never has pushed or nagged for sex, I didn't mean that I should be pathetically grateful for that, I know that is just normal I was just trying to outline that his general personality isn't like that at all.

I don't think he can control himself in his sleep though ? I have no doubt he would if he could as he is perfectly capable of controlling himself and not being gropey the rest of the time!

@Runmybathforme thing is he really is dead to the world, I'm not convinced that if I woke him up and said "yes, I'm up for it let's go!" He would be anything other than confused and sleepy

I was with a guy who did this. It was unnerving. He was definitely asleep.

In the end it was one of the things that made me break up with him. I need my sleep.

I think it comes down to compatibility as everyone is different which is obvious from the responses here
I'm completely with @Runmybathforme in that I love sleepy/ dreamy sex and I know in my relationship this kind of thing is a total non issue- we'd just have more sex which is absolutely fine by me
If however I was in a relationship with someone like @MsMustDoBetter I'd potentially be getting elbowed in the face a lot so therefore it would be an issue and would need addressing.
I don't think there's a right or wrong here, it really depends on whether it bothers you personally or not.

My ex used to do this! He was an abusive twat in many ways but always very respectful in the sex department (whilst awake anyway). However he was 100% asleep when he would do this - sometimes even snoring at the same time! It's also worth noting that he also sleepwalked occasionally, which I think is related. He never had any recollection of it and always felt bad, but it's not the end of the world. Just sleep separately in the nights you need more sleep...x

DH does this occasionally, he’s definitely asleep.

Honestly? I wake him up and have a go at him. He’s always apologetic.

It's sexsomnia I do it in my sleep. Used to drive my ex crazy because when I did to him and he joined in I would wake up so confused and think wtf is he doing?!

My DH used to do this and still does very occasionally - usually just light stroking/touching, nothing pushy. The first few times I was interested before realising that he was asleep, it was a bit strange and I did tell him about it. Over the years it has got less, possibly with decreasing sex drive so on the rare occasions it happens it doesn't bother me.

I think it's kind of similar to sleep walking/talking in that they do not know they are doing it at all.

My husband does it.

He is fast asleep.

He wakes me up tries to have sex with me and if I go along with it he'll wake up and say 'sorry but he's not in the mood' and roll back over to snore

So annoying. Luckily he has many great qualities.

My husband does this now and then, he is asleep, i tell him tho and he is full of sorry, it doesnt bother me ,its not his fault, we have a laugh about it.

My husband does this when he's stressed. It started when his mum passed away ten years ago. I just push him off to wake him up!

Mine does this and i'm usually asleep too but respond and honestly it's the best sex we have.