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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Police Welfare Check

17 replies

kingseven · 26/03/2019 22:56

My DB has been co-parenting successfully with XP for last two years. She has since remarried DC are 9 and 11.

One of the DC has recently said a few things which suggest abuse by stepfather. DB has raised safeguarding concerns with School and NSPCC.

Following on from this XP texted DB to inform him she was stopping all contact and he was not to contact DC by any method.

Straight after that DB has contacted court and the first hearing is planned for three weeks from now.

DB has been waiting for the court hearing as he felt turning up at the children's home or School would cause unnecessary upset for the children.

However he has just received an email from one of the DCs very upset asking for reassurance he still loves them and how sad they are they can't see him. They said XP had changed their email password but he had managed to change it back.

He replied immediately saying I love you very much I hope I can see you soon.

He then received a reply from XP who had intercepted the reply and was told he was not to reply to the DCs emails and that the inboxes were being monitored.

If DB contacts police will this be sufficient along with the safeguarding concerns to initiate a welfare check? He is concerned about how the DC will be punished for emailing and also how clearly upset they were in the email.

We would appreciate advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation please.

OP posts:
WallisFrizz · 26/03/2019 23:02

What happened as a result of his previous referral?

Police don’t get involved in child contact issues unless there are safeguarding concerns which presumably, at ages 9 and 11 they would be able to confirm or deny themselves (I presume school acted on the safeguarding issue raised by either referring it on or speaking to children on their own).

kingseven · 26/03/2019 23:12

Previous referral to NSPCC was very recent. This whole thing has escalated out of nothing very quickly.

CAFCASS interviews are planned with both parents for a fortnights time in readiness for court.

DB shared the email chain with his solicitor today.

School did not act on concerns. This has included a disclosure from DC and phone call from DB . XP is a member of staff which is problematic.

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Ribbonsonabox · 26/03/2019 23:17

I actually would try for a police welfare check in this situation yes. As the children are old enough to maybe speak to the police themselves if they are frightened... if you are concerned about the kids ring the police and tell them you are concerned for their welfare and are being prevented from contacting them so cannot check on them yourself.
At the very least the children will then know you have not abandoned them and are trying to help them... and best case scenario is the children actually say something about what's going on if they are being abused to the police when they go round there.

It's worth a shot and I would do it personally if you really think they are at risk.

kingseven · 26/03/2019 23:21

Thank you I really appreciate the response. It's helpful to have an insight from someone who isn't emotionally involved. The email was very sad to read and the DC are clearly very upset.

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kingseven · 27/03/2019 09:26

I've asked MNHQ to move this to relationships for traffic.

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DaphneduWarrior · 27/03/2019 11:43

No advice, OP, but bumping this for you. Sounds like a terribly worrying situation for your DB Flowers

DaphneduWarrior · 27/03/2019 11:44

Ps - you might get some help on the legal board?

hannah1992 · 27/03/2019 12:02

As a mother it makes me wonder why she has stopped contact seemingly because your DB has reported something the children said to him.

Do you think this is because she is scared of her husband? Or because there might be effects on the children because of this?

Police will only go on what they can see or are told. With their ages they may speak to them alone if they will.

It would be something he should definitely express concerns about at the meeting prior to court

kingseven · 27/03/2019 12:07

New husband does seem very controlling. Children are not allowed to bring anything home with them which has DB has bought and they are not allowed to mention him. He cannot collect the children from outside the house XP has to walk around the corner and they meet there instead.

Split was initially amicable and DB and XP sat down with both children asked them what they wanted and they drew up a family contract about how the new arrangement would work which they all signed and things have been really friendly. Things have deteriorated since he has been on the scene for sure.

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kingseven · 27/03/2019 12:09

Sorry Hannah should have added there was an argument just before contact stopped as XP wanted to change the children's surname. This flagged massive alarm bells as new husband is from NZ. DB currently applying for passports for both children.

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Dvg · 27/03/2019 12:18

Keep Fighting this, it doesn't look good that contact is stopped after he asked for the complaint to be looked into as obviously a father just wants to protect his kids. Keep ALL evidence and try to get more and more. phone the police if he has too just saying that he is worried as since his DC told him about the abuse they have stopped contact and the kids seem to be completely distraught in all the messages.

kingseven · 27/03/2019 13:12

Thanks for all the advice. DB has called 101 and shared all the messages. They are investigating in relation to safeguarding concerns and concerns re leaving the country. I am unsure if they plan to speak to the children yet

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Gruzinkerbell1 · 27/03/2019 13:17

Poor kids, I hope court goes well for your DB in a few weeks.

Poing · 27/03/2019 19:05

Similar situation here, especially with regards to school not acting. Have been advised to back-up our daily diary of all phone-calls, appointments and emails/letters via daily e-Mail, which, in the country we are in, is legally admissible in court. Document absolutely everything - appointments, phone-calls, chance meetings, anything he remembers that the kids have said or done, no matter when he thinks of it.

Also, trust no-one and expect nothing from anyone. Someone expressing doubt of the abuse has a domino effect, at least in our experience. The amount of people who have denied our child's abuse is overwhelming, and very often the people we thought we could trust have proven untrustworthy, even parents who have also reported their own child's abuse.

When your DB is not satisfied with the answers, or getting no answers or help from people he should be, go higher. Get their bosses or their bosses bosses. Make a lot of noise, because child abuse is still covered over, and people will not acknowledge it.

Send every reports to all people involved. Link everyone - the school, child-safety, doctors, psych. Give them permission to talk to each other, because that, for us, is the only way we have had any support and made progress.

Lastly, support his mental health. Make him food, take him our and distract him, and get him to a doctor if he is not sleeping or eating or getting depressed. Medication is not to be feared - it is an acute and extremely stressful time, and he needs a lot of endurance to get through it.

Remind him that you believe him and support him. Be patient. And be kind to yourself, too.

I am so proud of your brother for doing this. Please, let him know he is not alone, and that we, amongst many, many others, have fought and are still fighting for our children. Take courage. All the very very best.

kingseven · 10/04/2019 18:16

Update on current situation. Police contacted DB today and advised as all evidence is circumstantial they are not able to assist further at present. They have made a referral to Social Care and given contact details for the DCs named Social Worker. CAFCASS interview with DB last week which focused heavily on XPs new husband. Court case is on Tuesday. DB contacted SS today who have advised they are currently waiting for info to be passed over from police.

Im guessing their are concerns over DC welfare if a SW has been allocated?

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PinkBlueStripes · 10/04/2019 20:18

I would think the police have a duty of care to make a referral, and the social worker would do an assessment. Hope its over for you soon, sounds awful Flowers

kingseven · 10/04/2019 23:23

Thank you DB will keep pushing with courts, CAFCASS, police, NSPCC and anyone else who will listen. Court is Wednesday and I will be around to support him.

On a positive note he was able to see both DC last week. One he saw briefly on way to School and other for five minutes after watching their School play. They have both assured him they are okay but sad they can't see him. They were both apprehensive but happy to see him.

He has told them both he loves them and has said we will get this sorted ASAP whilst also not blaming XP for the situation.

Fingers crossed for a positive outcome in court next week.

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