Introverted men.

[CoconutGal]

Been seeing a guy for 7 months. We are different to each other, but there's just something about him that makes me want him.

I'm quite open, bubbly, can be loud at times but not in your face, I'd say average intelligence but not with politics. I like simple things in life like getaways, film nights under the duvet, walks & spending time with loved ones. My job is demanding, challenging & can be an emotional toll but it's based around helping people. I'm relaxed, content with just trying to balance my life enough to be happy & not materialistic at all.

He is introverted, shy, almost mysterious. Has a good relationship with family & rather a lot of friends. Does like getaways & walks & spending time with loved ones. Very into politics & his views, more intelligent than I am in that field as well as with things like history & psychology or philosophy. His sense of humour is cheeky at times & it makes me laugh however it does border onto strange & there are times I've reacted quite shocked but he's enjoyed the reaction. He's not overly talkative unlike myself but he's quite happy that way.

Having never dated an introvert, this is new to me. At times I don't know how to take him, however he seems set on me completely. He's very attentive, cuddles a lot, holds my hand etc & I adore that. He does teach me things & open my mind a little but I can't help but wonder, is introverted good? Anyone ever dated or still with an introvert?

Is being an extrovert good? Relax.

Did he say he is an introvert or is that how you see him?
He sounds interesting. Enjoy it and see how it goes.

He might get very dull as Years go by

He is who he is and either you like him or you don't. Does the fact he's not talkative bother you?

@Weejo39 no, being an extrovert is awful mostly 😂

@Blompitude - He describes himself as an introvert.

@KylieKoKo - it doesn't bother me all the time but when there's fairly long periods of time together where conversation isn't flowing or if there is conversation it's very short. That kind of is uncomfortable.

@Lardlizard - can I ask is that from personal experience?

He sounds great! What's your gut feeling about him? Go with that.

He's quiet not an alien... I think you're making a bit of a meal of your differences. Just enjoy it it sounds like a normal relationship that's going well

Sounds like autistic. He might not know it himself.

If you're having awkward silences at just 7 months in, I'd say it's a non starter.

My H was like you. Talkative, outgoing, fun, but not interested in current affairs, politics or any kind of philosophical talk. I told myself that love would conquer all, but it became very wearing having to rely on friends and colleagues for all my intellectual stimulation.

He sounds fine to me.

He's not a sulker, silent treatment, ignores you for days, talk down to you or anything like that?

Sounds like autistic. He might not know it himself.

What utter bollocks.

He sounds like a non show-off, an interesting guy, & intelligent enough to not bore you.
A comfortable silence is often indicative of a comfortable & comforting relationship. He doesn't need to be rabbiting on all day in order to be kind, interesting, smart or sexy.

Enjoy him!
xx

You talk like its almost unheard of to have a relationship with a non extrovert...? You do know that loads of people are introverted right? It's quite normal, unremarkable even.

In any event he doesn't even sound particularly introverted, just unsuited to you. You sound a little dull tbh, and there is nothing wrong with that
but then I am more like him than you, going by your description. I strongly suggest you dont continue to see someone who isnt suited to you.

Go and be with someone who doesn't need intellectual stimulation, you will both be exponentially happier.

I am extroverted with a dark sense of humor. My partner is a true introvert with a similar sense of humor. It's a non issue as long as you're compatible.

He actually doesn’t sound that introverted to me. I must have missed something!

Maybe he's just not for you OP. I think to an extent once the honeymoon period's over (if you're even in one, you don't sound that taken with him at all) these differences will come to the fore.
Ignore the person who said you sound 'dull' - jesus wept, people have different likes and dislikes in life, it's hardly cause for excitement. If you're not into politics and philosophy and he is and likes demonstrating it there will come a point when the shagging and dating is over that that's all he will want to talk about, you'll be bored and you'll likely both be a bit unfulfilled if he needs the intellectual stimulation. Those awkward silences you're noticing are a sign, as are your reservations about his sense of humour- listen to them.

As an aside, I dated someone once who I wouldn't say was actually smarter than me, but, I had a very cerebral job and in my down time very much desired to watch junk TV, eat a Twix and see what a few celebs are wearing- not discuss Question Time or have topics of conversation sprung on me that strongly echoed university coursework titles . I could follow the conversation but just had no desire to.

As others have pointed put it's not about the difference in intellect as such it's about what people want from each other, I stuck it out for a while but it just made me feel not good enough for not wanting to be intellectually enquiring and it was hard to relax and not worry he'd look elsewhere for it (he did, tbh I think) He was lovely otherwise though.

Current DP probably hasn't ever seen question time, doesn't read at all or even have a degree and regularly playfully rolls his eyes at the 'boring' things I'm reading or watching, when I do indulge my cerebral side. We get on brilliantly, I'm constantly laughing and he at me and I'd not trade him. Don't try to make it fit just because you can!

You’re asking about introversion as though this guy just beamed in from Saturn, but I would have said the difference in levels of intellectual engagement with the world is more of a potential problem. When you say your intelligence is average ‘but not with politics’, what do you mean?

I'm INFJ-A so know how down time is required every now and again.

Try doing the Myles Briggs test and read up on the personalities.

It may help.

Sounds to me as though you are getting along just fine. Stop overthinking it.

If you're the only one finding the silences uncomfortable then perhaps relax and try not to see it that way.
It may not last forever anyway but if he's lovely otherwise and this is the only problem then it's just a case of "opposites attract" and can work very well.

Thank you for your helpful responses.

Sounds like my dh. However just to warn you they get worse as get older eg more quiet and more introverted. It's caused a few communication issues. Everyone is different though and you might be fine.

My dad was very introverted and shy as a young man. Everyone who's known him for a long time comments on how it used to be really awkward trying to have a conversation with him, and how he's got much easier to talk to over the years. He's still very happy doing his own thing but is also quite comfortable socialising. I've gone down a similar path. So it doesn't necessarily get "worse".

My current bf is quite different to me in various ways. I'm just going with the flow - we are both older and don't want any more children, so we can just see what happens. We like each other and have both got used to each other more and more.

If you can't just wait and see if you are going to get on better, as you feel under pressure to start a family, well it's not a binding contract you've got there. You can end things nicely and give it a go with someone new.

I’m an introvert. Being an introvert means you get your energy from quiet times and need time to yourself to re-charge. It doesn’t mean you aren’t social or don’t like friends or are ‘quiet’ or strange. What you are describing just sounds like he has a quirky and unique personality. Are you attracted to that? If not, move on, or if you feel you need to understand him better, ask him what he needs.