How do I tell my husband how I feel ?

[51Pegasusb]

I don't feel like I love him anymore, and resent the life he seems to have. I like him and we get along just fine but that love of my life forever type feeling is not there for me, I don't desire him at all. Sex has been gone for a long time.. I don't dislike him either. But I can't tell him without apologising about it, for the way I feel. I've tried to but I get so emotionally wound up I just end up saying sorry and leaving the subject alone.

We've been together 22 yrs married 16 or so , 3 kids, two older teens one surprise who is two, and to be honest I feel this is part of my problem. I'm stuck at home with a small child again and hating every minute of it. My life has been turned completely upside down and he gets to go to work and talk to adults. I do everything at home always have done. I would very much like to adult again.. I would love to go back to work but just can't see how to either.. Had a another rejection from a job application today, I'm trying but I'm either over qualified or they're not happy about part time, I have so much to offer well I feel I do qua experience in my field it's so disheartening.
I'm trying so hard not to be resentful of DH, he hasn't done anything wrong he could be better at helping at times, if I ask he does try. But he's out the door at 6am and comes home at 7pm every week day, weekends we tag team small DC while helping older DC with things, although they're both very independent they also need Mum and dad at times. The washing is an ongoing chore as is trying to keep our falling apart house standing up/maintenance. We never have time for us, no help from family, in-laws although lovely did a lot of childcare for us years ago, they're much older now and I wouldn't dream of asking them. I moved to this country to be with my DH so I have zero family here except in laws. I have friends, but like us they're kids are older teens now we've all sort of moved onto the next stage, but then surprise arrived and it's all gone slightly south..
We've talked skirted around the subject a few times, but neither of us know the answer and sometimes I think maybe we should just split, and call it quits because something is not working and I am so down about it. For me it's one less person off my mental load to deal with which at the moment would be bloody marvelous..

Basically I'm so lost, has anyone else been in this situation ?

I have a 13 year old and a 2 year old. It wasn't great before the little one and now it's pretty awful. He took redundancy and now has a lower paid job which he hates. I worked for about a year so we could buy a bigger house which we did and I quit the job because it didn't seem worth doing it with 60-70% of my earnings going to the cm. My older one was also unwell and it was school holidays and I was just too stressed. Deeply regret quitting it now, I should have gone off sick with stress.

My parents are too old now really to help and my mum broke her hip 4 months ago too. I find it hard to know what to do as a family now due to the big age gap. We seem very fragmented these days as we bought a big house thinking we needed our own space but now we just seem very separate. I'm also shattered all the time and barely manage to keep the house in order, go shopping, cook etc. Like you, I feel that if we weren't together it's one less person to worry about/dread dealing with.

I'm not sure how splitting up would help you. With your job could you set up on your own? Consultancy? After being a sahm for a decade and with 4 kids making a full time job in my field difficult I started off doing consultancy but ended up getting employed by my first client and I work from home most of the time.