Will I ever be happy again?

[Walkingonconcretenow]

I’m currently the victim of an emotionally abusive relationship (it’s so hard to actually admit that). I’m waiting to move into my own home, I honestly can’t wait to feel relaxed and settled and not feel like I’m walking on egg shells constantly. I feel like I will never be happy in another relationship ever again however. Don’t get me wrong, the last thing I want to do is jump into another relationship straight away (I can’t inagine anything worse), but I also don’t like the thought of being on my own forever. I feel like I’ll never trust another man ever again and that all men will try to control me, and as soon as any sort of red flag occurs I will remove them from my life ASAP! Has anyone else been through this? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Will I ever be in a loving relationship where someone genuinely cares for me? Thanks x

Walkingonconcretenow I do not know the answers but I wish you well.

I would also say (but not from direct experience) your best chance of a good long term relationship is to take your own healing very seriously.

Do the Freedom Programme through Women's aid.

Focus on your own health.

Get fit/fitter, nurture your mind and body so if/when Mr Right comes along he knows you are a woman who values and loves herself.

Be strong, stay strong. The future is yours to control.

Yes you will love

It's been 25+ years for me since I left an abusive relationship. Yes I've not had an amazing 30+ year marriage since then, but I'm happy in myself.

I have an amazing DS. I have a very strong relationship with the family I care about, and have cut out the family who drain my energy. I get a lot of sex from my FWB. Honestly I couldn't ask for more.

I should just clarify, I have had 2 LTR since being in an abusive relationshp.

Wait. I think it was 3. It's been a lot of years!

I've been bringing my son up for 18 years. Honestly being a parent has been the most fulfilling relationship I've ever had.

Yes, been there, you just have to stop thinking of the past first

Welp, I am probably a "commitmentphobe" at this stage, but I am happy. I have a boyfriend but we're not escalating the relationship.

I'm wary of inflicting a (potentially misery-making) stepfather on my dc and conscious that I have a tendency to be subsumed in relationships. So this works for me right now.

You'll find your way.

I worry about this too, possibly not really that I will not be in a ltr again (that feels like such a bad idea now and so restricting) but my secret worry is that I will never find someone else attractive and so never have sex again. Or that no-one will find ME attractive.

I've not left yet and am annoyed with myself about how this is paralysing me.

Interesting to hear others' viewpoints.

secret worry is that I will never find someone else attractive and so never have sex again

Would that be so bad?

I've been separated from my husband for 3 years now. I doubt I'll be happy again. At first I couldn't stand being alone and was dating and getting hurt over and over. Now I'm spending more and more time alone and trying to get things sorted out. It's been a really long, hard road.
I've learnt a lot in that time about dealing with loneliness and rejection and how to accept it and handle it in a mature way.
I find there are SO many "LTB" threads on here. So many people saying "Leave and you'll be better off" etc. I'm not for one moment suggesting anyway should ever stay in an unhappy or abusive relationship, but I don't think being single is as easy as people make out. At least that's been my experience.

Oops, that came across as very negative. I am actually in a very caring relationship with a man, but as a friendship. We're both single and have known each other for years. We get together once a week and have a fabulous time. We're not in love with each other and when we have tried to take things further it hasn't really worked out. But we genuinely care about each other

Yes to completing the freedom programme. After two long term emotionally and physically abusive relationships I am married to an amazing man, so yes you can find happiness, but you have to work on yourself first ime

You are far better off without him. You can be happy again but what you are really wondering is if you will ever be happy because of a man again. Laying all the chances of your lifes fulfilment on one other person is always a risk, work on yourself first and foremost.

Thank you for all your comments. I will look into the Freedom Programme through Women’s aid. Does it cost or anything? Money is very tight at the moment, I’m having to move out of his home and literally start my life from scratch again with two young children.

This definitely rings a bell with me. I feel like I’ve never truly been happy on my own, I’ve always felt the need to be in a relationship in order to be happy. I really need to focus on my own happiness first before relying on someone else to make me happy. It’s so difficult knowing where to start.

Thanks everyone for all your helpful responses