How to move on after divorce?

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How did you do it?

I thought I was doing ok until DC revealed OW is pregnant. Background is ex ended up marrying OW as soon as divorce came through and now she is pregnant. It’s been 3 years since separating and before splitting we were trying for a baby.

I was happy with him and can’t seem to get my life to a stage where I’m happy again. We were together for 15 years and shared our lives together. I feel OW has basically replaced me and everything we had. They hang out with all our old mutual friends, our DC mention OW all the time, even my own family see him occasionally. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare and can’t get away.

I don’t want to feel sorry for myself just the pregnancy has knocked me and realising I won’t have another baby that I really wanted. Thought I might meet someone else but I’m too old now.

I’ve really tried to move on. I have a social life & good friends. I’ve tried dating but haven’t met anyone I like and feel invisible most of the time. I’m getting by day to day but life feels lonely. I wish I could shut out ex/OW and their seemingly perfect life. Everyone keeps telling me I will find a man or life will get better. But how and when? Oh gosh… I have beautiful DC and know I have a lot to be grateful for but often think how did my life turn out like this. If you’re been here how did you cope? How do I block out ex/OW and how do I create a life I enjoy. Need some inspiration please.

Hi i think you just need time , you said you have a good social life so maybe that’s the AWNSER there, I’m 35 and am just about to get divorced when 2months ago I never thought my life would not have my wife in it together since school, she has let me down the worst way possible I thought about ending life but I have 2 great kids and enjoy the time my job lets me do things like the dreaded school😂 so I’m just going to keep my head up and invest time in to people that realy deserve it not realy advice but just keep filling your time with the people who deserve it

How old is too old to meet someone new? I am mid/late forties, separated from exh of 15 years just over 2 years ago and have been with a lovely guy for a few months now. Another friend is mid-sixties and has just got together with another lovely man. Not saying you need a man to make life good, I was working my way to happy independence before I met new man, but I don't think there is a too old!

Have you had any counselling OP? Getting over trauma is never a smooth linear process, sometimes there are points people get stuck on, of course the baby news will have thrown you. Perhaps you should see if you could speak to a counsellor to help you work through this part?

Handhold to you, you sound like you're doing brilliantly but you don't have to do it all alone.

My friend from work met her now-husband when she was 66. They have been very happily married for about 5 years now and are both well into their 70s. No such thing as "too old".

Thanks everyone. I meant too old to have another baby, not too old to date in general. It's nice to hear positive stories.

Thanks Youknowme1, that's absolutely true. It's so recent for you but sounds like you are moving in the right direction. Wish you luck for the future.

Op, it could just be the pregnancy news which will subside. You may need help processing the separate but I would also say that the clock on recovery begins when the divorce is done and dusted.

How long ago was it finalised?

It sounds trite but a journal every night on 5 things you are grateful for. Also look on YouTube for De Joe Depenza as he has lots of work on recovering from trauma.

Perhaps you need to grieve the loss of another child s that an generate strong emotions.

Thank you wasnotwasweregood. I haven't had counselling but always meant to go. Do you know about different types of therapy? I have no idea what would help in my situation really.

I think just a decent therapist would help a lot. Just to talk to.
It’s so tough seeing someone else’s move on and “be happy”
When you don’t feel that way.

I think it does really take a lot of time. But also it’s hard work! You actually have to put time and effort into yourself.

The child thing, well that’s another issue and worth talking about with a therapist, as there could be lots of subconscious ways that you’re holding yourself back from moving on.

Whatever you do, don’t be tough on yourself. Don’t say “why haven’t I moved on” you wouldn’t say that to a friend would you.

I know what you mean OP, its not missing them as such but mourning the babies that will never be - i split a year ago and the thing that gets me most is not being able to provide the sibling DD begs me for. I have to wish to 'start again' with a new man; i came from a split and blended family and didnt/dont enjoy it, i didnt want the same for her :( i dont want a new partner, i wanted to finish the family i started. I'm struggling coming to terms with 'that being it' at 32. I never wanted kids anyway, i trusted exDH enough to go down that road and it all went to shit anyway think i need counselling too

My XH moved on along the same old trajectory but I’ve taken it as an opportunity to change tack and explore all sorts of new things. Sometimes I catch myself thinking ‘oof that should be me’ but increasingly rarely. You’ll get somewhere better OP, have faith

No wish*