Lone parents 45+ tell me your relationship successes

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I’m 48, a lone parent to my DD age 8 and have just broken up with my boyfriend of a year. I’m feeling particularly low about it and apart from regretting the break-up, I am basically dreading the loneliness I know is ahead.

I did OLD on and off for 2 years before I met him and can’t face doing this all over again. It’s exhausting and it seems almost impossible to meet anyone decent. Plus I’m feeling ancient, and nothing against my lovely DD but single parenting is so hard and restricting. It’s pretty hard to have a social life. I don’t have that many close friends where I live as I moved to a new city when I got divorced. I just feel bloody lonely really.

I struggle with anxiety too and can already feel this getting worse. I really need to cheer myself up but just feel pretty bleak about it all.

Please tell me if you’ve met someone lovely if you’re my age, with a child or two in tow. I know I should be happy on my own but was single for 3 years post divorce, and it just felt so good to have someone romantically in my life, who I could share lovely times with.

Hi OP, sorry about your recent break-up. It can be a confusing, upsetting and scary time.
I'm 43 and also a single parent. When my long term relationship broke up I was in a state of panic. I think that was mainly down to my age rather a real need/want for another partner. I made the mistake of rushing into something with someone I met on OLD and it was a disaster and ended after 8 months.
My only advice would be to try and be happy without a man for a while. Men do not define us. I think you're in panic mode right now and this is the worst time to be looking for someone else.
Please take some time to focus on yourself and your daughter. This is the mistake I made. I've now been single again for a year and quite content at the moment. I dabble in OLD now and again but had no luck at all with that but I'm not worried about it.

Thanks so much for replying. Yes, you’re right, I’m in panic mode - it feels overwhelming. I need to take a step back. I can be content on my own - it’s a good place to be, right? - it’s just that I loved being with him, and being truthful, I did feel better about my life with someone else in it. Not just me battling it all in my own all the time, the mental struggle of it all. Sounds so rubbish I know, but true. Just feel so sad and downhearted about things.
Thanks again for taking the time to reply.

I'm 48, a single parent and have been since 2010. Both my kids have special needs. Their father is in another country so rarely sees them. No family nearby.

I've been in a relationship for the last 6 years. We met through our running club as we are both passionate runners. He's a good bloke but I don't want to live with him because I don't think we're compatible for that. I'm not sure it'll last. He is more keen than I am for this relationship. We see each other once a week for about 3 hours when my kids are at school.

I am actually resigned to the fact that I'll never find my soul mate and that I will never live with someone else and all their mess (apart from my kids' mess) but that's ok because the alternative is to grow old without a partner but with a dog and with freedom.

As the PP said, it's important to feel happy on your own. To have your own hobbies, to own your own happiness. Find something you're genuinely passionate about. I hate socialising but when I talk to other runners, conversation flows very easily. Perhaps that'll happen to you if you join a club for your hobby? I don't want to sound patronising and boring but it's so important to just do 3 things for yourself - eat properly (admittedly I eat crap), sleep well and exercise regularly. All cheap and all great for mental and physical health.

Good luck and hugs.

It’s hard work to be happybon your own but worth the effort, remember to be kind to yourself and also fonnice things tonyouraelf like leaving a glass of water by your bed or a hot water bottle in it before you go out ready for when you come home... things you are more likely to do for someone else than yourself, small challenges like 10 mins of yoga every day for a month, any challenge really as will make you feel better about yourself.
I’m 44, have been single for 5 and a half years bar two VERY brief flings, three children 10,9 and 7 and have recently fallen for someone i first met 2 years ago, we are both on a committee together and our froendship grew from there, took 18 months for me to realise that I liked him, then a few more before he asked me out... so you just never know what is round the corner, big hugs though as it isn’t easy, though nothing is xx

Im 46, been separated from my exH for nearly 4 years now, and had a couple of very casual relationships from OLD and the odd bloke from work, but had pretty much given up expecting to end up in a proper relationship. I was fat, old, speccy, gobby and not very pretty.... and then a colleague set me up with another colleague, partly to shut us both up from whining about how we never met anyone. We've been going out for 9 months now, its amazing, and quite honestly, its getting better all the time.

So, of course it's possible to find a new and lovely relationship in your 40s. I liked dating, it was fun and i met some lovely people and accumulated some excellent horror stories, but now its nice to just cuddle up on the sofa with the lad, and enjoy some time together.

I'm 46. Two children 15 and 7. 7 yr old goes to dads 9 hrs per fortnight. I've been single just over 7 yrs (apart from a short fling where I was more invested than him). I get very little free time. Sometimes I want a relationship, sometimes I don't. I miss intimacy. I want to share decisions with someone. I'm trying OLD but you need really thick skin. I agree with others, spend some time on your own. It is marvellous tbh 😊

I’m 51, kids age 9 and 13, met my partner 3 years ago online. He was the first person I met online!

I’m 42 and been a single mum for a year. I threw myself into OLD straight away and had a few dates, which didn’t progress beyond a first date. I’ve given up on OLD as it is exhausting. I’m focusing on myself. I love keeping fit - my body has never been stronger. I used to fear going to the gym but I love pushing my body. I volunteer and travel too. These have all had positive effects on my mental heath - I too was depressed for a while and couldn’t be bothered to leave the house. I do think I’ll meet someone but I don’t feel desperate to any longer - need to be content with myself.

User 7889 is spot on. Be kind to yourself. It makes so much of a diffrence.

Also, have a lot of sex with yourself. I've been single since 2012 and I defiinitely couldn't cope without my Wand. Yeah it's £50 but it's saved me SOO many bad choices.

Thanks everyone. It’s good to hear people’s different experiences. I will look out for the Wand, too

I keep reminding myself that it’s normal to feel low - it’s to be expected. It’s sad when you break up with someone. This helps, a bit. I just need to summon up the energy to move things on a bit, make things better for myself without assuming that’s in the shape of a romantic relationship. Hard.

I'm nearly 46 separated for 5 years. Had two relationships of about a year both of which I ended as they weren't working for me. Took a break, had a lovely couple of years really enjoying time with my kids (boys now 12,12 and 14). Went back to Old last summer... Usual dating horror stories, one very bruising 12 week thing then met someone in Dec. So far so good, it's not easy as he's finalising his divorce with tricky exW and a 5 to dc and pressures of work, hobbies and 4 kids between us but we keep on talking and hope it'll work out going forward. He's my dream physical type , he's very clever, a wonderful musician and makes me laugh. For now I'm just enjoying and crossing my fingers that we might have a future as a living apart together couple.