Husband doing what he thinks I want?

[ASatisfyingThump]

I guess I'm just wondering if this is normal behaviour or just something DH does. If I ask him to do something, he'll often get it into his head that I want something different, do that instead, then get all offended when I'm not happy about it.

The most common example is this:
I ask DH to take the kids out of the house for a few hours so I can work on my hobby project that requires a lot of concentration. DH decides I'm asking for free time, so does a whole load of housework so that I don't have to do it, but doesn't take the kids out. I then can't work on my project (because if we're all at home the kids will interrupt me, without fail, he won't stop them.) He's then hurt that I don't appreciate his effort to free up my time, even if it wasn't what I actually wanted him to do, and thinks I should be more grateful.

There are other examples, usually relating to his priorities for household tasks, but that's the most common and most infuriating because I've spent a lot of time facilitating the things he wants to do. It's seriously driving me up the wall.

Totally infuriating and it would do my nut in.
Next time you ask agree a set time 'can you take the children out 1-3 on saturday please so I can do x?'
At 12:50 on saturday 'come on kids, coats and shoes on, daddy is taking you out!'

You shouldn't have to do this, but it might get the message across.

I think you need to get your message through to him without criticising the effort he puts in. Not sure how.

That's infuriating! The main problem is that he's not listening to you and is being disrespectful. It could also be considered as quite controlling and manipulative. Does he show you respect in all other ways?

He's demonstrating he is the boss of you and won't be told (or asked) to do anything.

He doesn't think you should have time to do your hobby.

Hr can't be arsed to take the kids out on his own.

And he needs praising when he does some housework. Like a petulant child.

If he considered you an equal he wouldn't behave like this.

I second what Rose said.

It's common or garden arrogance imo, he thinks he knows what you need better than you do. My DH had a touch of this in the early days and it took me a little while to get through to him that what I ask for is literally what I want and that continuing to think he knew best would always mean conflict.

I would wait til this time has blown over and raise it again at a time when things are ok between you and you're more likely to get cooperation rather than defensiveness. Clearly tell him that you're pretty good at knowing what you need and that him doing other things instead feels disrespectful and unhelpful. Point out that it's counterproductive to keep setting himself up for being criticised and for his efforts being unappreciated when he could just do what you actually need him to do and everyone would be happy!

Once you've had that conversation you can refer back to it every time he slips up and it will make it very difficult for him to continue without looking like a total arse. Problem solved