His son

[Confusedsadface86]

Hi all been with my boyfriend 8 months known him over a year. We both have a child each. My son sees his dad once a week overnight sometimes a weekend depending on his dads work... BF Has his son EOW.

His son is 10 mine is 5. Everything was great first two months of then all meeting but I noticed the last few times I’ve seen him he’s been quite cheeky with me. Because of how my son visits his dad the two boys will see each other for one weekend every 5 weeks....another weekend bf has him alone and another I’m there.

This weekend his son has said he doesn’t like his dad seeing me and my son without him. So bfs solution is the next weekend he’s down (which we had planned we’d do lots with both boys) he’d have him alone and we wouldn’t be there. I told my BF If this was the case then me and my son wouldn’t come down at weekends anymore as I
Don’t feel it’s fair on my son that the other gets to pick and choose. This has caused an almighty row.

My point is that in a six week period there are two weekends he gets dad all to himself there is only one he has to ‘share’ him. We have been taking about moving in in the next year and I think if this is pandered to now it always will be please be brutal am I wrong

Nope sorry, I think you're wrong. I think if he didn't do what his son asked, then hes putting you before his own child, and you are actually asking him to do so.

To be honest, you've only been together 8 months and at 10 years old, that's quite a shock to the system. If you already tried to merge the families, no wonder hes kicking back and feeling jealous and threatened.

Just give him some space, let him see that you being in the picture doesn't jeopardise his relationship with his dad at all, although the fact you've done it quite quickly by the sounds of it may mean it takes a bit longer. If he only sees his dad part time, it's only natural he would want some special time he doesn't have to share him for

Also think with using the phrase 'pandering to', you may want to reset your expectations. Is this was your child, youd want them to feel the priority, surely. His son is 10, far older and more sensitive. Give him a break

I think you’re right- you’re not stopping him putting his son first. You are just doing the same. Why did he kick off at you? What’s wrong with your son being given your full attention too?

Why are you involving kids in a relationship that is only 8 months old?

He said tht if I can’t allow him to do this once then I’m being awful. But I told him three weeks ago at mid term it was just the two of them for that whole break at Xmas it was just the two of them for a few days. I said is this gonna happen every couple of months and I’ve just to change my sons plans.

He knew his dads other gf who had no kids and there was never any issue I was told how much he loved her

We first started dating 18months ago but I felt it was too soon after my break up and we staydd friends.

If you think he's doing it purely because of his 10 yr old son told him your wrong. He's doing because he likes the time with his son, maybe your 5 year old is too young or he doesn't have a great bond or you spend to much together.
Parents do thing for their dc once an a while, but are rarely lead by them.

OP I didn’t mean to sound rude. Does your DS live with you the majority of the time? Maybe your DP is feeling guilty that he only sees his DS EOW? Could you just try to keep saying for a while and only meet up without the kids?

Dating !!!!

How bad did the almighty row get? Was your partner reasonable, or petty? What were your points? Did either child hear it?

It's how you get through problems that matters.

No it wasn’t a shouting row...
My DS does live with me see what gets me about BF is he has a hobby which he does on a sat that lasts about 6 hrs so his son goes with his gran. I’m kinda like well if time is so important why not give up the hobby the eow you have your son

I don't think he is pandering to his son, I think he is prioritising him over you because he only sees him 4 days a month. It is only right for you to come second on the weekends when he has his child, you haven't been together long and I'm sure his child wants to see his daddy.

And that is fine but once I said that it’s sonething we’ll stick too he isn’t happy....I don’t think that’s fair on me or my son like we’ll be allowed some weekends when suits

You’re son gets you and his father to himself, you’re bf son just wants the same and not have thing a tailored to a 5year old, it completely changes the dynamic entirely. I know I have a 10year and he gets annoyed when his SM young nieces come round all the time when he wants to spend time with his dad doing stuff they like to do instead of kids stuff. You’re bfs enjoyed his last sm because there wasn’t kids on the scene, I’m guessing he has issues with the change in dynamic due to a little one being there.

Yeah, I think you have to really think this through, OP.

The hobby thing - could be be doing that on any other day? Or is it a weekend thing only?

You have you’re own weekend to see you’re bf I agree it’s fair too soon for you and you’re precious boy to be involved in this boys time with his father.