LTB - the reality

[Teapottimeagain]

I was always queen of LTB. Always claimed to be zero tolerance, completely independent and that i’d LTB at the first sign of betrayal. I have no need to stick around. Husband is far worse off without me than I am without him.

In the last 3 months i’ve found myself in the ultimate LTB situation.

Turns out, leaving someone after 2 decades of happiness is not as clear cut as it looks from the outside. Particularly if you have kids. It’s complex and painful and love doesn’t disappear overnight.

I wanted to share that for anyone who was confused about the fact that leaving wasn’t as easy as it was made to look on MN. It isn’t a reflection on your self worth or your moral compass. It’s just not easy to switch off your love for someone.

I just want to heavily caveat by saying, if you are in danger (DV, etc), that is an entirely different scenario and your safety and that of your children must come first.

The grey area of leaving for DV is (and those of us with experience know this to be true):

1. These men are worse/more dangerous right when you're leaving; and
2. The courts will hand the kids over to abuser, unsupervised, probably 50% of the time: and
3. Fuck face abuser will deliberately make the kids' lives worse just to make you suffer and you wont be able to do anything to mitigate it as you won't be there and won't see them again for up to another 7 days.

This isn't to say don't leave. But it's WHY abuse victims dont leave.

LTB is often complicated by the fact that he's a bastard, so he'll make leaving a living nightmare and probably has your joint lives set up so you can't afford to do it anyway.

Of course it’s not easy but it is doable and sometimes it is neccesary.

I have no problem with people who choose to stay though. People are human and humans make mistakes or can be tempted. Perhaps your marriage wasn’t as happy for him as it was for you.

I actually most likely won’t end up staying but i’ve learnt a ton about walking a mile in someone shoes before shouting LTB. I was always the first one to say it and couldn’t understand why people didn’t walk away immediately.