Hi everyone,
I have been married for 15 years & have 3 year old daughter. I would say for the last 7 years I have had doubts about our marriage but just hoped it would get better. I also suffer with anxiety & its hard to know what is my anxiety and what is real relationship problems. I know some of you will wonder why I had a child with him but I did hope it would improve things, it seems to have done the opposite. He is a lovely person, kind, generous and an excellent father, that is why this is so hard and I need some advice. He isn't abusive and hasn't cheated on me (I know lots of people think you should stay if this hasn't happened!). However I feel like we are so different and I just feel like our relationship is very shallow, with no real depth to it. He is African and I am English, he is religious and I am not. I didn't think these things would be a problem but over time I find it hard that we have had such different upbringings, my counsellor has said that is often the case with mixed heritage couples, that their cultural references are so different.
I won't go in to all of the arguments, but its more to do with how I feel when we are being amicable, I feel lonely. We sleep separately and really don't talk much. I'm finding it really difficult to think about how I could end things, I feel like I would be destroying my daughters world, when I should be the one protecting her. I also don't want to hurt him as I really care about him, the thought makes me feel sick that I would be breaking up our family. He also has no family in the UK, he would be on his own which again is very hard for me to think about. The last time we got to breaking point he agreed to split, but then he did what I thought he would do and tried to 'make up. I didn't have the heart to follow it through.
I didn't have any proper relationships before this one, so I have nothing to compare it to. However when I'm around other couples I see the connections that they have and it makes me feel sad. I confided in a friend who has a happy marriage, and she told me no, it is normal to have these doubts all the time.
I'm so worried the effect it will have on my DC. I do think we could keep it amicable and would put my daughter first at all costs, but I still read about all the effects is can have on them later in life (apparently children of divorce are much more likely to suffer from anxiety, depression etc). I also can't bare the thought of not seeing her for days as he would want 50/50 custody (we have talked about it before).
What do others think I should do? do you think it would be really selfish to end things? and in terms of age of children do you think it is better to do it sooner than later?.