Elderly overnight care payment...

[Sm87]

Hi everyone, I'm after some advice on caring for elderly relatives...

My Grandma has recently come home from hospital and requires carers three times during the day and sleep-in overnight care (she has generally been waking up once or twice a night for the toilet but can't manage to get herself back in to bed)

Due to the carers rotas the overnights can't always be worked so my DM will be doing the ones needed. My parents have asked if I would do a couple of weekend nights a month to give my DM a break. I have no issue with this as I can see my DM finds it quite draining and we literally all live within a mile of each other.

My parents however have said they want to pay me for the nights I do. Money isn't an issue for them to do this, and they have said they would rather pay me then a carer if its something I want to do. I should point out they understand if I'm not interested (I also work 55+ hours monday to friday) but my problem is I know they will be stubborn and insist on paying when I'm feeling like I shouldnt accept it as Grandma is family and I'm doing it to help them out.

So...has anyone been in this position? If so how did you negotiate or tell them to not pay you without offending anyone?

Thanks!

Has the Occupational Therapist or Physio assessed why she can't get back into bed? There may be an easier way to manage this problem than over night carer stays. Plus, if for whatever reason despite changes to the bed or equipment your Gran still can't manage to get in/out of bed. Then continence wear might be the answer so she doesn't have to get out of bed at all. The GP can also give medication to slow down the urine output at night. Also, if she hasn't got one already buy a pendant alarm from the local council. Usually about £5 per week rental.
Not quite the answer you were expecting. But over night stays are exhausting in the long term.

We'll done on seeing your DM needs support and being willing to help. I was in a similar situation years ago and the memories you will have later in life are worth more than gold.
But your parents want to reward you and in some ways I can see why, you are a granddaughter they are aware in years to come you will be helping them so most likely feel this is am added burden.
I accepted the money though I negotiated my mom down and kept it aside for treat days for me and mother and daughter days ... is there something you can put it towards so your family think they are helping you like you are helping them ?

If you don’t need the money, but they really want to pay you -let them, but keep it to one side and do something nice with it either together as a family or for something in your grandma’s memory in the future?

We pay £15 per hour for a private care arrangement

Take the money and spend it on your grandma.

Hi thank you all for your replies.

I don't think an OT has been out recently to see the exact situation with getting in/out bed yet but I will definetly suggest it to my parents. As for the alarm she had one months ago when first becoming frail but just didn't get the understanding of it.

Hospital said she should be in a care home - one covering dementia (apparently they don't all do this) but she said she wouldn;t go in to one and it wouldnt have been fair to push her as she can still speak her mind when she wants to!

Many thanks for your suggestions regarding the money - the idea of putting the money to one side for something in memory/the family is brilliant x