What would you do if...

[UserFran43]

You heard your SO saying as follows to a friend whilst out for dinner as two couples:

"Well you know after so many years it's just hard work".
Something about grass being greener.
"I have it all, money, nice home, business, so my doctor says depression could be to do with my relationship."
"I look out for number 1 now as xyz doesn't want to know"

In the context of having supported this person with their unmanaged MH (depression and borderline personality disorder) for 10+ years despite associated behaviours having a huge impact on your own life/ health.

Oh come on.

But to answer your thread title, I'd assume he was hoping to have sex with the conversation partner.

(Is BPD bipolar or borderline? If he;s bipolar was he in a manic phase?)

I would end it for good. It sounds like you get nothing from him all the while twisting yourself to be compliant.

What's SO?
Nobody owes anything to anybody if either aren't happy.
But then not understanding your OP I hrtht.

Thank you for all the replies. It is helpful to have my thoughts reinforced. This morning he was as anticipated, sweetness and light. "I'm sorry my darling I dont want to fall out... I ruin it sometimes don't I blah blah". I am all too familiar with this pattern of behaviour and am going to focus on getting out as quickly and with the least drama possible from here on in.

@nottheford Borderline personality disorder, as oppose to Bipolar. The conversation partner was male btw 😉

Hi Monty, SO was significant other. I'm not a regular poster so sorry if there's a better way to say this on here.

Who owns the house you are in? Do you rent? Joint tenancy? Think about the practical side of leaving. What do you have together asset wise to separate.

Start a list that he can’t find. A separate bank account to start squirrelling away money. Start your get out plans.

It is his property. Due to the historic Emotional/ Fiscal abuse which caused longlasting damage to my original career/ finances. I have not since trusted him enough for shared assets etc and therefore will be able to disconnect myself quite simply. If honest I always knew there was no capacity for him to follow through with his year long facade of the perfect partner and sustain any real change. Frankly I would happily live in a box room than rather than remain in this house and situation.

Interestingly his adult child has today raised opinions about him not being there for them/ questionable efforts at parenthood throughout their childhood. Of course he disputed this immediately and began relaying the reasons he felt that he had been a perfect father (he paid maintunence and saw them every weekend 🤔) I am staying out of it.

Sorry somehow writing things down here is helpful. I have started looking for a stop gap place to stay and am trying to keep things light. Unfortunately my SO has now switched to playing the lucid voice of reason and prompted a lengthy conversation about the 'current state of our relationship' yesterday evening; the contents of which made my blood boil. At times such as last night I query whether in fact I am reading too much into his behaviour as he says and begin to question my own sanity.

Detach. Spend your time and head space planning ahead. This is head fuckery.
Look, if you put as much love in yourself as you have put in him all this years, where would you be? Who would you be?