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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Insecure nasty ex refuses to communicate - what might be behind this thinking?

2 replies

colgor · 23/03/2019 21:27

One partner, after a year or two together, is deeply insecure. Numerous bizarre accusations are made, questioning integrity, all are considered and explained lovingly and carefully. Apology is made but the pattern keeps repeating. Insecure partner then makes a mountain out of molehills and becomes increasingly difficult but argues it is the other way. A friend suggests illogical behaviour is in order to push the other partner away so that the relationship is ended and so proved correct. No need to worry anymore if the relationship is over. Does seem to love and care at other times but craves affection. Partner told this cannot continue but will work together as hopes to sort out but anticipates the end of the relationship. There are are many times the relationship could have ended amicably but the insecure one chooses to end it by text first thing on the morning of a significant special day for partner but wrote this is regrettable and there is no good day. Being irrationally bitter or just messed up I'm not sure? Since then no calls are answered, not only unfriended but blocked on FB, emails ignored. Paths will inevitably cross socially hence despite my hurt have tried to talk about it, but no words have been spoken since this spineless and nasty end, and possessions have not been returned etc. Why is the insecure partner behaving like this, showing no respect, and playing victim? Ideas and opinions gratefully received.

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 23/03/2019 21:34

It doesn't matter why they think like that. You need to come to acceptance that the relationship is over, and concentrate on stuff like getting belongings back

Have a (brief but good) wallow, then remember how much hard work this all sounds, that dumping by text is shitt, and that it really doesn't matter who blocks who first when there really isn't any need to communicate.

Though you will need to find a one-time work around (mutual friend?) to arrange to retrieve stuff.

DioneTheDiabolist · 23/03/2019 21:41

Ditto AuntieStella, it doesn't matter what is behind the thinking. They probably don't even know that themselves. Cut your losses, cry to friends and be grateful you weren't married with kids. Contact a mutual acquaintance about any important belongings.

Then, spend some time focusing on yourself. What did this relationship teach you about you.

Revel in being single.

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