My Brazilian husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for 10 years. I struggle with trust issues and I don't know if it's because I'm being irrational and controlling or if it's for a real reason.
6 months after getting married, I discovered that he'd been talking to women online one evening when I was out at a work event.
Obviously I was devastated and since then I've worked hard to rebuild my trust in him after he explained himself. Sometimes I get nagging questions of doubt over his friendships with women (he's Brazilian, women find him attractive and he's very friendly in person and by text).
In my weaker irrational moments over the years, I have questioned the intention there is in some friendships (maybe I've let slip once every few years).
Anyhow, there is one new friendship he has with an older Brazilian married woman who he met via a friend on a solo trip that he took to Brazil last month. He actively avoided telling me about her at first and now I've discovered that he's been deleting some messages that they exchange.
When I confronted him, he claimed his innocence and said that Brazilian people send very demonstrative messages to each other and that I should get over it. He said thst he deletes them to avoid me getting upset. Whilst I respect his forthright response and am bolstered by that, I am challenged by the fact that they seem to exchange lots of messages, poetic quotes, music, pictures of themselves.
I tried to explain to him that it looked like she had a crush on him which he was encouraging but he's still having none of it.
He says that I'm being controlling and now I'm wondering if he's right. I'm just keen to hear from some sane women as it's going round and round in my head.