What should I do?

[Bringiton2019]

My ex hubby messaged ever night he doesn't have his kids (we share custody).

He messages me to ask how children are, knowing they're fine.
Do I respond or ignore?

He is struggling to accept its over.

Thanks in advance x

I would stop responding. My ex used to do this in the early days of out break up (meaning the first two years, hang in there....). Its quite common, I think it stems from a need to control. He doesn’t want to know about the kids, he’s checking up on you. And of course he only asks about the them because surely you’d be unreasonable not to tell him about his kids, right?

Don’t overthink it, just don’t respond. If he asks why, don’t give an explanation just say you will contact him if there is an emergency but otherwise assume they are fine.

If the kids are old enough you could consider getting a cheap mobile for him to text them himself, bet he won’t go for it though as it’s you he wants to get to/at.

Six years on my ex still starts this up every now and then, I just don’t reply to general enquiries.

Totally agree with previous poster. Just stop responding.

ISleep sums it up perfectly.

Was he controlling in the marriage or is he just genuinely missing the kids?

My ex and I split up and he struggled with not seeing the kids everyday, as did I. He still texts regularly now to ask how they are as he doesn’t see them for 3-4 days at a time.

Only you know the situation here x

People flame them on here when posters say the dads don't care or ask! I actually think it's perfectly reasonable and as long as it's a conversation about the kids, part of effectively co parenting. You have kids, there will always be that link, especially while they're young, you have to facilitate it.

If they're older, a mobile might be the way to go, but you have the ability to control the conversation