Can't handle this rejection

[isitmee]

I think I've been a total mug and been rejected by someone I trusted, I can't decide if I'm just spitting out the dummy because I can't get what I want or if I'm justified at being angry and feeling utterly rejected, discarded.

I know logically that if he behaves this way then that's not a good sign and my self worth should be higher but I can't get my heart and my thoughts to stay in that mind set consistently. There is a pathetic part of me that just desperately wants him to want me and feel for me the way I feel for him.

Trying to make a long story short this was a mutual friendship to begin with. I became single and saw him with different eyes. He then got into a relationship but we kept in touch quite regularly. I've ignored the fact that I found him attractive, just pushed it aside never acted on it, I realise now I should have dealt with that sooner.

Anyway he became single, then was on and off a few times. In between this we were in a lot more contact, pretty much daily and doing things together. This was going on for about the past 5 months or so. Anyway we ended up having a conversation about us being in a relationship together, he told me he had been having these thoughts. I felt like all my christmases has came at once and we slept together. He then changed his mind the very next day, said he was too worried about it going wrong and is losing our friendship. Felt he was still carrying mental damage from his past relationship.

There has been some contact since then but not much. I feel fucking horrendous. All my feelings have came to the surface and I don't know what to do with them.

Is this my fault? Is he at fault? Have I been a total fucking mug?

Put it down to experience and pull back from the friendship without any drama.

Agree with everyone who says to pull back. You are his back up girl hence the blowing hot and cold so closely linked his other relationships. His actions are telling you all you need to know.

''If he was only after sex, then he would have kept things going a bit longer and then leave you'' umm who's to say he wont try to keep things going? Its unfortunately, quite common of... certain sorts, to tell someone 'actually I don't want anything serious' after they have slept with you... BUT they stay in touch and yoyo. Also, sometimes it is more about ego than sex. They just want to know that someone wants them. Not to say he falls into that category but...you have to be pretty shameless to do what he already did (to someone who cared about him too) so it is possible.

I wouldn't be forgiving at all op. But I'd try and chalk it up to life exp and stop giving any thoughts of him the time of day.

Yes, now that ge has told you he doesnt want a relationship, he may feel free to act like you are a Girlfriend. That happened to me once. The man'd actions were totally at odds with his words precisely because from his PIV he'd told me he didnt want a relationship, so he proceeded then to use that manifesto as carte blance to ignore all of the normal boundaries and distinctions between a friendship and a relationship. And i was confused and slow to understand that because we werent just FWB, we were friends. It was a headfuck all right. Once bitten though. It will not happen again.

I was in a similar situation a few years back, I was stupid enough to slough the situation to continue on and off for a number of years and it ended horribly! I still after all these years (and I am very happy with DP and 2DC) I cant think about that time of my life without feeling physical pain in my stomach! I allowed him to keep coming back when it suited him because I believed we were really close friends with benefits but really I was just a shag for him when he didn’t have other options and he knew I had feelings for him! We had a lot of mutual friends so when it all came to a head it was very, very messy and painful! Don’t allow this situation to be yours, give yourself distance!