Alarm bells

[justilou1]

Today I went to my son’s sporting grand final. I have been avoiding going because my husband is overly-invested in the club (see old posts if you like) at the expense of the rest of our family, and I resent the time and intrusion, but I went to support our son. My husband is one of the coaches. (Of course!!!) We live in Australia and it is about a million degrees still. Halfway through the game, one of the women supporting our team ran straight over to my husband and offered him a drink out of her (used) drink bottle. Ew! He politely refused and said that they had plenty of water, ice and cups, etc... everything they needed. She ran back to her chair and her friend, picked up her phone and was immediately texting. Odd. Both my daughters noticed this. After the game, my younger daughter asked him who she was and he said “I forgot.” and brushed her aside. To me this seems like the wrong answer to give someone unless you have something to hide. (While she’s younger, I’m not too threatened looks-wise, but think both behaviours were odd, right??? Territory-marking?)

Massively over thinking, I really don't see the issue with the texting thing at all.

Jesus. No.

Well ... (OW) Princess Margaret and (Cheater Group Captain Peter Townsend's affair was exposed for less.

Am waiting for him to go to sleep so I can nick his phone, but suspect daughter may have tipped him off.

Sorry, I guess this is a drip-feed. His phone is going off all day and night with “sport-related” texts and calls. Sometimes he sits there smirking smugly.....

I wouldn't be very happy if my partner had such little trust in me they had to go through my phone behind my back. In fact I think that would be a massive violation of my privacy! Not that I would mind them checking my phone if we had a honest chat and they acknowledged it's their problem not mine.

I don't think (unless it is obvious) it's good to push our own insecurities onto our partners, jealousy is our own problem to manage not theirs.

Having said that, maybe you should be asking why you had such a strong reaction to something so innocent OP. Maybe there is a history, maybe you are unhappy, maybe there is something deeper..? I hope you're alright either way.

That sounds overly familiar OP. Did she offer anyone else a drink?

Nope

So... nothing incriminating on his phone, but when I questioned him, he was angry and defensive. He claims not to know her, yet he knows everyone else there. That in itself is weird. Also her making a run straight for him was weird. (She acted rather like a teenager with a crush, rather than like someone in a relationship, if I’m honest...) At least the season’s over, but I’m going to be keeping an eye on his phone. He’s definitely phone-guarding. (Luckily he’s a heavy sleeper.) I’m not very phone-savvy though. I checked messenger, messages and WhatsApp. I have a feeling that there are many more options.

Look for Kik. You can actually delete and re-add the app and continue conversations within it.

Thank you!

The only alarm bells I'm getting is your sudden paranoid behaviour???

I'm with you OP - very weird for her to be running to offer only him a drink and for him to know everyone...but not her. I'd be keeping my eyes and ears open from now on and getting my ducks in a row

I think that’s a bit weird. Maybe she fancies your DH?

I think you’re onto something.

*Running straight to him to offer a sip from her bottle=rather intimate=not strangers.

*Who is that? I forgot.

*Angry and defensive to you

*Who is that? I don’t know her.

*Phone guarding.

*Odd night texting.

It seems like something is going on between them.

Is it an iPhone justilou1?

You don't run over to someone you don't know and offer water from your personal bottle if you don't know someone. Never heard of that. Weird.

I just even

NotTheFordType ??

I would also be suspicious and checking his phone. Why is he angry if there was nothing to it? In reverse, where there was nothing going on, I'd find it funny and nothing to be annoyed about.

Or maybe that woman saw him sweating loads and fell sorry for him. Maybe he answered the way he did to your DD because he knew you were sending her to spy and he wasn't to get her involved in investigating on your behalf.

On the end, either you are right and should consider a position as a private investigator it you are désillusioned and paranoid and loving with you must be a nightmare.

Neither is good. I personally would keep an eye opened but do so in more subtle ways.

By the way, don't all phones have locks now? Or have you demanded that he doesn't lock his or to know his code?

Honestly I didn’t think anything of it until my daughter pinnted her out. THEN I thought it was weird and creepy. THEN I noticed her giving me death stares. He and I had a talk about it today. (No opportune moments last night, which nearly killed me.) He claims to not have a clue who she is. (Seems odd, but he actually seems genuine. He wondered WTF she was doing offering him her drink bottle too. Fair enough. He didn’t know what to say to our daughter in front of other kids there without potentially offending other kids. Okaaaaaay..... “I don’t know who she is.” might be a better answer.) He is genuinely shocked by my suspicion.

Oh, and I know his code, and he hasn’t changed anything there, so I guess that’s something!!!

Perhaps she thought he was someone else?