Emotional support vs codependency?

[Illstartexercisingtomorrow]

Hi, I don’t want to go too much into particulars, but I have come to realise I don’t really know where emotional support for a partner goes too far and turns into codependency. If a loved one is going through a difficult time - genuine reasons - and experiencing depression then how do you support them without tipping over into codependency? Also if someone is not behaving like their normal self due to these problems then how much leeway do you give them before saying actually it’s gone too far?

It is when what they're going through is having an emotional/psychological/physical impact on you to the point where your life is no longer your own, and where your own needs are subjugated in favour of theirs.

If you have to ask, then there's probably a problem.

Watching with interest - not a partner for me but my closest friend.

That’s very helpful fistful. I ask because I have not seen a good relationship growing up so sometimes am unsure of boundaries. You’ve summed it up quite well and I am glad to say I’m nowhere near that ! That’s a bit of a relief. Perhaps that sounds weird but when you don’t know what normal is then it’s easy to question and worry when a relationship shifts slightly/goes through a tough patch.

I think for me the shift would be when you're experiencing your own MH problems due to the situation but stuffing them down because "i'm not being supportive".

There's a huge amount of ways to be supportive to your partner/friend/family member without putting yourself to the fire. It's OK to say "I love you and I'm sorry you're going through this shit, but I can't listen to this for more than an hour, because I also have my own life."

I also had this kind of shit growing up so I totally get how putting boundaries in place is weird and scary.

This wee thread has helped a lot, thank you. I’m getting sucked into dh depression after illness. And don’t know what’s fair. thanks for the ‘can’t listen more than an hour’ tip. v clear. Any more tips? Am definitely getting stuck in anxiety. And indecision because of it. Could do with a few pointers!