DH getting even wierder

[tinkywinkyshandbag]

DH has always been a bit...independent in his views. However as he's getting older he seems to be getting more and more extreme..to the extent that it's setting him apart from family and even from some friends. It's like he's so far out there, and I feel like it's driving a wedge between us. I feel as if we're being avoided as a couple because people find him uncomfortable to be around. He can get quite argumentative. It's almost as if he's priding himself on being non mainstream. He is quite intellectual, he likes books and ideas and is very well read and intelligent, and in part this was part of the attraction when we first met. However lately he seems to be getting more and more interested in politics and philosophy...he is spending more and more time reading a certain type of book and watching you tube videos of people he follows. The people he follows are quite extreme in their views, definitely not mainstream. When I express any negative opinions it's because I'm "head in the clouds", he clearly thinks I am being very low brow. I do feel it's affecting our relationship because I do think less of him for these views, and I also feel it's affecting the children. But if I was to raise this I know he would be very dismissive of my concerns and make it seem as if all I want to do it watch EastEnders (which is very far from the truth). It makes me feel as if there is no future for us, I don't want to live with an angry old man. Anyone have any idea what I'm talking about or living with similar?

No weirder as in more annoying. He definitely doesn't have psychosis or any brain issues. He's an intelligent man, he just has political views that are not shared by many (or at least no one in my circles, he does have friends that share his views and they WhatsApp each other and share articles with each other...). However with his intellectual brain and to some extent his personality type does come a certain amount of arrogance I suppose. He prides himself on being very logical/rational and sees my views as less objective and therefore less valid. I think that's really what I object to, it's not just his actual views although I do find some of them difficult, it's more that he is not willing to engage in any dialogue and is disrespectful and dismissive to/about people that do not share his views. Not just me, but friends of mine, and even family members. I think that makes it difficult for me to like him at times, and not liking him makes me sad. In other ways not related to politics he is lovely, and I like him a lot. Do you think it is possible to separate someone's politics from who they are as a person? I have friends with different views and we just agree to disagree, same with religion. But this feels more fundamental.

It is fundamantal, OP. He has a religion and he is deeply, fundamentally religious. He will never ever see it that way, that he is religious, but he has a very deep belief system, thinks that others who don't share it are 'unenlightened' and also that they are lesser beings. He wishes to Spread the Word.

It really has nothing to do with his rational brain. He has Faith and Belief. He has made a God of his views and he is worshipping them.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that your DH has started on the path down the alt-right rabbit hole. You say he has always been a very intellectual kind of guy? That's exactly the kind of man who falls for the 'logically' and 'rational' arguments of the far-right/alt-right.

You should absolutely take this very, very seriously. It is dangerous, and you have a responsibility to your children and yourself and quite frankly to society at large to make it clear that this is Not Ok. Right now its annoying, frustrating, and losing you friends. But you need to see it as a process of radicalization and understand that what he's expressing might only be the tip of the iceberg. If he's not challenged or turned back now, in a year or two it might be too late.

Youtube radicalization, why 'intellectual' men who love logic are attracted to the far right, and a from an intelligent young man explaining how his initial interest in philosophy and politics led him to end up becoming a full on racist.

The second link in particular is one you should read and think about:

"The men interviewed in the piece, once sweet and caring, started changing after going down a rabbit hole of extremist political content on YouTube and involving themselves in radical right-wing online communities. Convinced of their absolute correctness, these men became at first frustrated, then verbally abusive once they realized their female partners did not always agree with their new views. Any dialogue attempted by these men was not made — at least as far as their partners could tell — with the goal of exchanging views and opening themselves to being challenged. Their goal was to assert their beliefs as fact; to teach their partner the truth, as a Christian missionary might put it. Every woman interviewed in the article — including those who were more formally educated than their boyfriends — makes reference to their former partners belittling their intelligence and rationality. These men were certain that they were the smart ones, that they had correctly assessed the “facts” with “logic,” and that if their womenfolk did not accept this without question, they were simply too dumb to understand."

Do you think it is possible to separate someone's politics from who they are as a person?
Yes, to an extent you can. But I get the feeling that’s not the problem here is it? It’s his delivery, his lack of regard for his “ auidience” his rigidity and how you feel disrespected.

we do share other interests - we spent a nice weekend doing things together. So maybe I need to focus more on those things.

Why are you negating yourself and your kids for his craziness? Every crazy has a nice mask too or they would never be able to function in society.

I also feel it's affecting the children. But if I was to raise this I know he would be very dismissive of my concerns

So he has you not knowing right from wrong.

I never say this to others how to live their life but I would definately leave (because I did) someone so far down the rabbit hole when my kids are growing up in this kind of situation and exposed to it.

Not only for them, but for my own sanity too.

No man is worth sacrificing your children's mental health and their future, or your own.

Do you think it is possible to separate someone's politics from who they are as a person?

Nope. It is fundamental to how you view the world and your own morality. (more than enough historical facts to teach you).

No way ever I would or could be attracted to someone with fascist politics. Or so far to the left or right that their politics is more important than their humanity.

My friend watches some earthquake prediction guy on you tube called dutchsinse. Also believes in Chen trails etc.
She I believe is suffering from some kind of psychosis. Everyone is sheep and asleep and she NEEDS to spread the world to keep us all safe from THEM.
It makes conversation very difficult. I find myself thinking twice before speaking about anything, thinking is this going to set her off etc. She is very dogmatic and gets rather distressed if anyone voices a different opinion, never mind tells her it's all bollox.
I feel for you op, I find myself restricting the time o spend with my friend and it's very sad. But it is so emotionally draining I can only take so much of it.

I'd say it could be young onset dementia or some type of psychosis. I couldn't be listening to him and would say get to the G.P or get out.
I hope its not David Ike type stuff hes banging on about because that guy is an utter lunatic.

EllaEllaE interesting...and slightly disconcerting. Not alt right, not as far out as that, but along the libertarian lines.

I have a friend who seems to hold a mixture of a far-right libertarian anarchist views. Governments are bad, nhs is bad, big-business is bad people should be free to choose blah blah. And he is evangelical about it. Would be impossible to live with, but not so bad once in a while.