I have a friend (closer than most relatives) who is older than me. She and her DH have many friends, largely from a sporting activity that they both take part it.
She is a thoughtful, loving and likeable person, who people automatically revolve around. I'll call her Mary for ease.
She has been friends for many years with another woman. To outsiders (me and her other friends), this woman has always been jealous of Mary's popularity, and tried to involve herself in everything she does. She phones daily, turns up when my friend has arranged to meet someone else for a coffee etc., endless questions what she is doing, will never accept 'I'm reading a book', but wants to know the author, how far through she is, etc. etc. If they are in a group, and Mary is having a quiet conversation with someone else, she will butt in and involve herself. In the past she has copied hairstyles and clothing.
To my mind this 'friend' is controlling and obsessed, and not a true friend at all. However, Mary is a caring person, and doesn't want to cause unnecessary hurt, so has put up with this behaviour for literally decades.
It is now making her unacceptably stressed, and she knows she has to tackle it. Mary is normally a rational, sensible and strong woman, but she is becoming upset and anxious about dealing with the situation. One of the reasons is that she does not want to cause any ill-feeling within the larger group. My feeling is that the larger group will have probably noticed this behaviour, and are probably just surprised that Mary has tolerated it for so long.
I have suggested speaking quietly to individual members of the group, to explain that she is backing away. Also not answering the incessant phone calls, and when questioned, just saying 'I didn't feel like talking to you'. She is also aware that this woman will manipulate what is said/done, to make it seem that she is the reasonable one, and Mary is being difficult.
I just wonder if anyone has any thoughts/experience/tips on how to handle this - I hate to see Mary getting so upset because someone is taking advantage of her good nature, and desire to not cause unpleasantness.
Thank you for reading this screed! 