Am I over reacting?

[FeelingWorseThanShitty]

Boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship. All very serious, loving and mutually respectful. Usually.

I am unexpectedly in BF’s home town this weekend staying with (my) friends. I mentioned this to him at the beginning of the week expecting some kind of offer to meet up. I know he has his DCs this weekend so wasn’t expecting miracles. I was told “I have plans Friday”. I waited for a further explanation. None came. Ok, so he’s doing something Friday, that’s fine, I thought. Then waited for an invite to meet up Saturday. None came. So I have spent all week mostly in tears thinking he just can’t be arsed to see me and too scared to ask why. I’ve been dreading what was supposed to be a nice weekend expecting to have to end our relationship come Monday.

Turns out his plans involve a pre-booked mini break with his children, his ex and her family. He’d been trying to get someone else to take his place but he hasn’t been able to and actually his DCs are expecting and looking forward to him being part of the group.

I absolutely 100% have no issue with this. And once he told me I felt so much better understanding what was going on.

But we’ve had a pretty nasty row about the fact he didn’t tell me all week. Or at any time in the last 9 months since we’ve been together and the holiday was already booked!! I’ve had a million apologies and he clearly feels awful. But this is really upsetting me. He’s spent all week standing by watching me think the worst simply because he wasn’t man enough to tell me the truth.

Am I over reacting?

Not in my book. I would not be happy.

There’s more than just geographical distance between you!

Well thank you Decormad for those insightful and wise words 🙄

It’s not a relationship without honesty about things like this from both parties. If he doesn’t trust to tell you this for whatever reason, what else is he not telling you. Is he still hoping to rekindle things with ex, or is he worried you would be jealous? What is his reason for not telling you the truth straight away?

Then waited for an invite to meet up Saturday. None came. So I have spent all week mostly in tears thinking he just can’t be arsed to see me and too scared to ask why. I’ve been dreading what was supposed to be a nice weekend expecting to have to end our relationship come Monday.

This is weird. Why were you waiting for an invite? Why did you not say 'do you want to do something?' Why have you been crying over something when you didn't bother to communicate to him what you were thinking? And why did you automatically conclude you were going to break up?

They always use the children to shut you up and make you feel guilty for questioning why the fuck they are going on holiday with their ex and family.

This to me, is totally unacceptable as I don't believe playing happy family after break up. An ex is an ex for a reason. He'll apologise endlessly, but watch this happen again in the future, if you're still together. Then he makes out his hands are tied and the "children" really look forward to whatever adventure he's planned with the ex, knowing it doesn't sit well with you.

Just distract yourself this weekend by hanging out with your mates and not think much about him as his communication, surely will be limited this weekend 🙄.

Why would you wait for him to make arrangements/suggest meet up?
Would have been much easier to say hey I'm going to be near you on XX date, we should meet up and you can show me around.

Although come to think of it, if you're going to see mates that would change the dynamic and they might have got a bit pissed. Even without his weekend away with his kids, he might not have wanted to intrude on your mates catch up weekend.

I think your overeating as you never asked why straight away. That should of been your first questions.

I’d be super pissed off that he lied by omission though and that he had known about it for 9 months and never once mentioned it and I wouldn’t be pleased about him going either. I don’t think it’s something ex should do and since it was with all her family 1) she could of went with just her family and he could of taken his kids away separately and 2) I presume you have met the kids so why couldn’t you be invited as well?

I think it’s just weird and shows he’s capable of just not telling you things which is a lack of trust.

I would be upset that he hadn’t been honest but maybe he just wasn’t wanting to upset you. I think it’s very easy to just think he wasn’t being honest and didn’t care about ur feelings but perhaps he just didn’t know how to tell you for fear of upsetting you.

Holy shitballs I would finish things with you.

Everyone wave at Butlins - it’s BF come to stalk me 😆🙄

I was over reacting. Big time. And I’m a massive dick.

He was trying to rearrange and surprise me with a weekend to ourselves. Something we’ve not yet had (DCs etc).

@LailaByron thank you for your kind wise words.

@ButlinsSucks I love you, honey. So much ❤️

I'm confused about Butlins!

Why didn't you just ask why? Why the sitting crying? It's a very meek passive response. A relarionship should be equal.

Do you understand why you struggle with that?

Butlins is BF 😆 He found me. Cute. In a stalker kind of way.

I don’t know why I didn’t just ask. Oh, actually, that’s not true. I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to hear him tell me I wasn’t important enough. Which he wouldn’t have done. Not in any way. I don’t know why I thought that was likely tbh.

Wait so his lying, ignoring you and you crying all week is suddenly ok because he “stalked you” on mumsnet? And now you don’t know why you didn’t just ask? Sorry have you read back your own posts, do you have someone in real life to discuss this relationship with? Sorry I’m genuinely worried? I appreciate you can’t response here as he will read but please seek help

How and why would he come on Mumsnet to see if you made a post?

I'm confused, moreso bc the comment was deleted so I'm without context

And did you name change then change back again

I think he is still with his wife...

Butlins comment was just a sad face. This is so odd!
Why did you name change? Why did he come in to comment? Are you actually all three posters?