Wish there was Adultery " Jail"

[Ferfeckssake]

Currently in therapy after DH affairs. Therapist is guiding him to reveal all the details.Seems like just as I accept and try to move on, new revelations cause me to regress with any hope if healing.
Not anything major really.But as DH is literally squirming in his seat , I feel like I am being heartbroken all over again and again. And each week I am angry , sad, etc. And want him to suffer and be punished. I know this attitude is not helpful , especially as we are going to therapy with a view to staying together . So exhausting as I am constantly wavering and thinking I should leave.

So, I would love if DH could go to " jail", pay for his " crime" and come back with a clean slate. And then I might be OK

Load of shite, I know. But this is MN so I can vent , can't I ?

Good plan

I don't want hate, despair or any other negative feelings in my head.

You sound strong and as though you’re in a good place given the circumstances.

I wish you well and promise that whatever you do, it won’t always hurt the way it does at the moment.

Thanks for the kind messages.Every day is different and this weekend has been good.Feeling more positive about my own future , with or without DH.

Not much more to add OP as you’ve been given some great advice but just to say I am in a similar position as you. Just found out 3 weeks ago that my DH of 14 years (together for 22 years) has been having an affair for the last few months. He has cut all contact with OW and has made it very clear he wants to re-build our marriage (ticks all boxes in the list from ferfeckssake). I have agreed to couples therapy on this basis, plus previously our marriage was good, also we have 2 young children - although I have said that I would never stay just for them, I need to be happy. However I have also made it clear that I am struggling hugely to get past the lies and deceit and I am not afraid to be on my own. I am really conflicted as although I feel I am doing this from a position of strength, it is not how I thought I would be - I always thought infedelity would be a deal breaker but I guess it’s not that black and white. Like you I want to move on from this one way or another without the negativity and anger that can become so all consuming.

Hope the individual therapy goes well and you manage to get some clarity on your situation.

Sorry list from sandyY2K. Finally manage the bold text and I get the wrong flipping poster!

I am in pretty much the same situation and agree that it really sucks!
I would definitely send my DH to the infidelity jail if it existed and I would feel like he’s paid his due after! I think his true ‘sentence’ is having to see the harm he’s done to me though, and hopefully if your husband cares about you he will feel the same.
I’ve been having individual therapy with a Relate therapist and it’s been amazing. I don’t know how I could have managed without.

LadyDowager so sorry to hear you are going through it as well. Give yourself time and don’t make any snap decisions.

I am 5 months in from finding out and the first few months I think I was in shock and behaved quite oddly, really wanted to forgive everything and move on. I think your mind protects you from the worst of it until you’re out of shock and capable of dealing with the enormity of it all.

Then things get very hard and an individual counseller is so useful to help you navigate the rollercoaster!

Definitely solo counselling. You don't have to 'move on' if that means letting him get away with what he has done.

'Adultery jail'. I'd have supported the idea thirty years ago. Or maybe not, as we'd both been unfaithful.

Good luck, OP. I'm in my sixties and alone and as happy as can be. Go for it.

I get it OP, similar position. I did see a counsellor on my own who was great, she said it mattered more to me because there was far too much co dependency, I took steps to make it less so, she also said that he will know I will never quite feel the same again about us and that is a punishment in itself regardless of what plays out, I am 2 years down the line and still have days where I struggle somewhat with intrusive thoughts , he is extremely sorry but sadly no time machine exists to take it all back

I recognise some posters from other threads , including some of my previous ones in Relationships.
So shite that so many women are in such similar positions. And things will never be the same again in our relationships no matter what efforts are made by each person.
And all because our partners decided at some point to disregard any loyalty or fidelity in order to indulge in selfish behaviour .
And we are still dealing with fall out of it all, seemingly for some posters , even years afterwards.
In my darkest moments , I question if I will ever be able to forgive DH and move on. He says he regrets everything totally .
I also get angry sometimes at the way I now even question myself and everything I had thought I knew.
So hope I can find my peace.

And not just Jail but hard labour for good measure ! Building a shrine to me

Cheating is illegal in some states like New Hampshire

Another vote for solo counselling
It was a million times more helpful