Why does my mother hate me?

[expectantmummy87]

Hello all!

I have posted a few times about my relationship with my Mum on this site but things between us seem to be getting worse. I'm not expecting for a magic wand to be waved and for things to be fixed; but life is passing by so quickly and we are still in this horrible cycle that we just can't seem to break and it's so deeply entrenched that I don't know to even begin to fix things. I'm 31 years old now.

Most recently, I went home for a visit with my baby son and although things were great for a couple of days, things went sour after that. The main problem, I have come to realize, is that when we talk I let Mum talk at me and I guess what she wants hear and say that instead of voicing my own real thoughts or opinions. If I get it right, she's happy and if I get it wrong, I am in trouble. I do understand that this is how a lot of relationships work depending on who has the power (an employee talking to a manager for example) but I always thought that I should be able to talk to my Mum about how I feel about things, as a friend would to another friend. Am I asking too much from our relationship? Should I just accept it as it is or should I keep trying for a friendship?

One thing to note is that we both have very different views and values about life. I always come away from my visits feeling exhausted from trying to do 'the right thing'. My relationship with her is like treading on eggshells and even when I try to please her sometimes I get it wrong and this leaves me exhausted from second guessing what her reaction will be.

Perhaps I am perpetuating the problems by going over them constantly?

Does anyone have a similar relationship with their mother?

Thank you x

Oh love, you need the Stately Homes thread.

your mum sounds like an absolute bandersnatcher.

That's not a normal mum daughter relationship imo. It's definitely not you.

Mums need to be supportive to their daughters at all times. Even if they think the dd is in the wrong, they still need to give their opinions in a sympathetic fashion.

You owe your mother nothing. If you share 50% of your DNA with a person, it does not mean that you have to break yourself trying to gt along with them.

Most of us crave loving relationships with parents and siblings, but if it isn't going to happen there is no point in you beating yourself up about it.

OP are you sure you don't give her the vibe like it's all about you?

Hou are walking on eggshells and feel exhausted from trying to do the right thing. That says emotional abuse to me.

It's not normal, it's not acceptable and you deserve better.

This is the woman who disowned you last August just before the birth.

This is the woman you had issues with leading up to Xmas, as presumably she un-disowned you.

Now you are having more issues with her. And clearly there have been others you've not told us about prior to last August.

PLEASE, knock this on the head. Your mum is not normal, not pleasant, and you should be protecting yourself from her. Your family is your child, your partner and you. Go no contact, otherwise you are going to have a very unhappy life and probably end up with mental health issues from being messed around continually.

You’re not alone my mum hates me too. I’m her carer and nothing I do is ever right for her