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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Trying not to be a cow

6 replies

Rickeysmum · 21/03/2019 21:51

Hi all
I am very new to to this so please bear with!
I’m started a relationship 7 months ago with a fab guy, following on from 2 very abusive relationships. This guy has turned my confidence around no end and I have no doubt he loves me (and me him).
Spanner in the works. His ex wife (who he left before we got together) told him 4 months ago she had to start chemo. For breast cancer. Back story. She is a nurse, so knows how the whole system works. She is also getting preferential treatment because of her status. They have no children together. This is the cow thing. Am I so wrong resenting the time he spends with her? Going to appointments, the next one is tomorrow early when this was a day he had booked off for us, the texts from her.? The appointment tomorrow is because her toenails have come off. Awful cow I know. But I can’t help feeling that she’s being very manipulative or am I just a cow?

OP posts:

LuluBellaBlue · 21/03/2019 21:54

Please just picture for a second that you were her and how scared you’d be?
I’m not saying that she isn’t manipulative, as no one but her could answer this but please do try and have compassion for what must be an absolutely terrifying time for her. Would it be too much for at some point you to suggest meeting her for a cuppa and getting to know her?

AnyFucker · 21/03/2019 21:56

Try harder

NotTheFordType · 21/03/2019 21:56

Yeah honestly you're being a cow. Sorry.

You're 7 months in. His ex (mum of his kids?) needs him and they have a deeper bond than "we're dating".

write him off for now (because he may well go back there anywhere once the treatment has finished.)

Move on to someone else who can give you their full attention.

MikeUniformMike · 21/03/2019 21:57

You are not being a cow. You are entitled to feel as you do. Here though, be prepared to let him support her.

Dieu · 21/03/2019 21:59

It really is just one of those situations that you're going to have to suck up.

And the fact that he's on good terms with his ex wife (I am online dating and believe me, this is rare) says a lot about him.

So if you want the relationship to progress, be there for him and don't be selfish and needy (sorry).

Stormyday · 21/03/2019 21:59

I’d keep those feelings to yourself.

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