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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What shall I do?

5 replies

deadsexy · 21/03/2019 21:33

My marriage isn't a bad one at all. Weve been together 13yrs. Married 8. And have 2dc.

All good however for last 6 months, I've just been questioning things, not out loud, but just feel fed up with us, and often find myself thinking I would be happier on my own. I prefer my own space.

He hasn't done anything wrong, he's an excellent dad, he doesn't drink, he's respectful, loving towards me.

However bad points are that he's very needy, ungrateful (I do everything without thanks), we don't laugh anymore, sex is a chore, he's abit stupid (nothing new but he's lazy with it now and just expects me to sort out finances/house admin/homework). He's so ducking moody, he's in a bad mood he makes the whole house feel uncomfortable. He's no problem shouting and rowing in front of kids where I won't allow this and either take myself or them out of the situation.

I'm self employed, run the house, kids are all for me so that takes up my energy straight after school, plus I am struggling at the moment with PTSD after an a serious event, feel like I've got game face on all day for work and kids. Then when they've gone to bed I do become abit of an introvert.

He's not coping well with this, he's become distant, only affection I get is when he wants sex, last night I refused so he flipped asked if I'd be seeing someone else, said of course not! Asked if I was happy, said I wasn't - that I don't feel close, we're always rowing and never talk anymore, things just get ignored and shoved under carpet. He's got upset and stormed out the house, I was tracking him, he was just driving around. Came back couple of hours later, and won't speak to me. I had the day off today asked him to come home and talk without kids here and he's just pretending I don't exist, ignoring messages, talking to children but not acknowledging me.

Don't think I'm asking anything just venting, feel like I've been punched in the chest all day, the being ignored is fucking awful, the wondering if this is the end.

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 21/03/2019 21:38

However bad points are that he's very needy, ungrateful (I do everything without thanks), we don't laugh anymore, sex is a chore, he's abit stupid (nothing new but he's lazy with it now and just expects me to sort out finances/house admin/homework). He's so ducking moody, he's in a bad mood he makes the whole house feel uncomfortable. He's no problem shouting and rowing in front of kids

How does this make him an excellent dad?

He wants you to do your thinking for him. (Not to mention everything else.)

What practical and emotional support has he given you in your time of crisis?

MikeUniformMike · 21/03/2019 21:39

It's not him, or the marriage, it's the PTSD and the effect it's having on you. You need more help from him.

deadsexy · 21/03/2019 21:43

One thing today which I thought was strange is that we both have a bedside cabinet. Bottom draw of mine is filled with various lingerie he's bought me over years, few toys that aren't really used these days.

I was cleaning and for some reason opened it and it had been emptied. Everything gone. He couldn't of done this since last night.

He asked me about 2 weeks ago if I wa sseeing aomeone else. I am not. can't remember last time was in there but it's fucking odd

OP posts:
deadsexy · 21/03/2019 21:48

He's given me no support at all. Honestly I don't honk he knows how to. It's a sensitive subject (historical sex offences, court case etc, it's been really shit)

I've explained that's sex for me has changed and I'm struggling, said I will try and make it ok again but at the moment I'm struggling. Just lost all lust and attraction for him, he grated on me, he's another needy person in my life when I have no tolerance.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 21/03/2019 21:54

Poor you. My previous post seems wrong now. Could you arrange a trial separation?

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