Honestly, the list of 'trangressions' you have wrote is pretty much the same list my exh said about me.
Address - he used my mobjlebto stalk me....I was a home visit to longer term sick employee
Coming home late - I was miserable at home, work gave me my confidence back and I knew I needed that job because my marriage wasnt going to last
Not texting back immediately - I was busy. Exh treat me like ibdidnt matter for years then expected me to jump when he wanted me. One of the reasons my marriage was going south. The less quickly I responded the more intense he got, pushing me further away
Dressing up for work - because I wanted to make something of myself. All senior staff dressed up. Dressing up for work was like an amour. Exh destroyed my confidence and I had to fight to put a front on. It made me feel different to dress up for work
On my phone more - people at work (women) became my friends and gave a shit about me as a person. So yes, I was happy to talk to them outside work. Exh saw that as a sign of an affair, so started going through it and stripped me of all my privacy. He hacked my Facebook etc. So yes I kept my phone close by
Sleeping on the sofa - the more I realised my exh didn't give a shit really, just liked to control me and only wanted me around when he wanted me, made me not want to sleep in the same bed
Nice underwear - I always like nice underwear. Exh didn't. He didn't see the point. The more I came out of the abusive fog the more I thought 'fuck this'I will do what I want. If I want nice underwear, I am having it.
Spending money - I didn't need to justify how I spent my money. The Jill's were paid, what was left over was mine. He kept his left overs, I didn't need to explain to him.
Car miles - he probably checked that too. But never asked. He did check receipts he found in my pocket etc. So that not out of the realms of possibility.
My exh was an abusive cunt and when he realised I wasnt having it anymore, wasn't making him a priority anymore and making myself independent. He became verbally abusive, then he attacked me.
My point is, that yes, lots of your points suggest an affair. Many mners will tell you it must be an affair. But to me, it's also a huge sign that someone has realised their worth. They have started thinking about themseleves more, after realising their spouse doesnt. It's about becoming their own person, not just 'Mrs or Mr X'.
I also understood that I was changing. I tried to reassure him, never lied, never hid anything. But he was so convinced i must be having an affair. The truth is, he knew he had been treating me like shit. He knew he had been trying to control me and couldnt cope when he couldnt control me any longer. I was honest I told him I thought he was abusing me. He still wouldn't do anything to change. I told him I had lost myself trying to keep him happy, he didn't see the issue.
Your wife might be upto something. Or she may just be finding herself, gaining confidence and making her life her own. She may know the marriage is dead and starting to be her own person now.
No one here knows whether you, like my exh, are losing your mind. Or if she is cheating and your concerns and upset are justified. Only you and her know the answers.