Helping friend in abusive relationship

[Borris]

How do I help a friend/colleague understand how awful her relationship is and move on?

I've been in an EA relationship myself and so much of what she says sends alarm bells for me. Though tbh some of the stuff is so bad that other colleagues are shocked too.

She's in danger of losing her job as a result of her partners actions.

It's a lesbian relationship, but I don't think that makes any difference? She's the girly one of the pair.

The partner tells her to F off frequently, tells her she's going to sleep with her ex, calls her all sorts of names, threatened to steal her car. She actually caught her in bed with an ex but somehow believed that they were just watching films. She drives the partner everywhere, pays for everything. The partner doesn't work.

We've tried telling her that it is awful how she's spoken to. She says she knows it's bad but she loves her and the good times outweigh the bad.

She's now in the situation of facing losing her job, as the partner showed up to her work drunk and verbally abusive in a public area.

She's lost contact with most of her non work friends. Rarely has anything to do with her family now.

Is there anything I can do to help her understand how bad all this is? Just really worried about her as she's a lovely girl and it's awful seeing her being treated in this way

Unfortunately, unless she see the abuse you can’t help her. Maybe if her boss tells her and does a semi-intervention? Would her boss be willing to do that though? A concern for her welfare meeting?!? Due to her partner showing up in that condition?

If not it appears she will have to hit rock bottom before she sees the light. Maybe losing her job will do that. It takes some people years and years before they figure things out and then try and get out.

Unfortunately, outsiders sometimes just make people lock down even more that everything is “fantastic” and how dare you! As they will tell their partner and the retribution for that will be 10 fold.

It’s a shitty situation for everyone.

What about calling woman’s aid or similar so they do a welfare check on her? Is that possible?

^ a charity such as womens aid could give op advice over the phone. I think you need to haing in there and be a friend. Has your friend disclosed this to her line management for support?

We’re a small company. The line manager knows and is supportive. The overall boss (male) is the next manager up. He owns the business. I did have a little chat with him as we get on well. He is sympathetic to a degree but ultimately as it’s his business he is not going to stand for much more. I can understand this from his point of view.

Unfortunately but probably not surprisingly the employees standard of work has dropped. She sometimes turns up to work looking scruffy as she has slept in her car when the girlfriend has not let her in her flat.

I’ll try to contact women’s aid and see if they have any advice for me. But I guess, as you say, she’s got to want to leave.