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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stupid, probably needy, friend problem.

5 replies

Herja · 20/03/2019 22:36

Firstly I am very bad at understanding people, I just can't do it. I have no one to ask, because it's about one of my 2 friends and the other is her ex girlfriend.

I found out today that someone I had thought was a close friend (known her 10 years; friend,then SIL, then just friend again after my marriage to her brother ended. I'd known her longer than him) was moving house today, she didn't say where, just dropped off a a bike she had promised DD (DD is also her niece) She did mention a month or so ago that she was thinking of moving. She lived a road away from me until today.

Last year we saw each other a few times a week normally. After her breakup with another friend of mine (who I'd known 14 years) things seemed very different, but when we did see each other it was fine. When my boyfriend died last November she was supportive towards me.

But if she moved without mentioning it, she probably doesn't want to keep the friendship going, right? I have problems around abandonment and I honestly can't tell.

OP posts:
Herja · 20/03/2019 22:37

That's stupidly long. In short, is this person still my friend?

OP posts:
BeUpStanding · 20/03/2019 22:46

Hello. Firstly I am so sorry that your boyfriend died recently, I cannot imagine how hard that must be Flowers.

Did you ask your friend where she was moving to? It is odd that she didn't mention it when she dropped the bike off, but it's possible she was just really caught up in the stress of moving. You could send her a text saying you hope the move went well and asking for her new address? That's probably what I would do in this situation. And then send her a Happy New Home card maybe

Herja · 20/03/2019 23:02

Thank you. That seems like a good idea. Not pushy if she does want to let it go, but not inexplicably ignoring her if she didn't.

I just don't want to irritate her really, but it seems a shame to lose one of only two friends by ignoring her because I thought that's what she wanted.

OP posts:
PleaseFormAQueue · 20/03/2019 23:05

If she's broken up with two of your friends she may want privacy at the moment.

BeUpStanding · 21/03/2019 15:15

Not pushy if she does want to let it go, but not inexplicably ignoring her if she didn't. Yes exactly OP! Friendships can be confusing sometimes, but you've got it right there.

Good luck x

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