Has DP been sexually assaulted?

[LittleMissFunTimes]

Not sure where to put this.

DP regularly sees a physiotherapist who apparently always pushes his bulge into DPs head when massaging his back.

Today he asked DP to bend his head up so the bulge was resting right on DPs forehead. Actually touching.

So... there’s no need for this, is there?

If it had happened to me I would feel sick and terrified and never return.

MN wisdom needed please.

We're moving this to relationships at OP's request.

If it doesn't feel right then it's not right.

Thank you, Lily.

I only found out a few mins ago and started as a “ooh, crikey that’s a bit weird” but now I’m fuming and really upset for DP.

I’m not sure how DP feels about it yet. Haven’t had a chance to talk about it properly.

Not right at all

Bit weird. Don't let him go back, and report him.

Isn’t it awful how when stuff that massively crosses boundaries happens to you, it’s really difficult to see it for what it is.

I can see why physio might need to but if your dh doesn’t like it then he shouldn’t go back.

But how? I mean surely if you need to touch people for your job you ensure there is a way to do it that doesn’t involve you making contact with your crotch?

Why couldn’t he have worked from the side?

That does sound very odd.

I used to see a physiotherapist who once asked me to get on all fours, arch my back and then said “look like you’re enjoying it”. I’m still not sure how to interpret it but it didn’t feel right and I never went back.

I have never known a physio or massage therapist to work from the end of the table. The whole point of having a massage table is that it enables the therapist to work on you without throwing their own back out!

Also every massage table I've ever been on has a face cut-out thing and you should be directed to put your face into the opening. So even if the therapist did decide to stand at the end of the table, they'd have to be climbing onto it in order to make any contact between their junk and your head.

This bloke sounds deeply dodgy. It's obviously making your DP uncomfortable, which kind of negates the therapeutic value. I'd look for a new physio immediately and if this bloke is a member of the Chartered Society of Physiotherapists then I'd consider making a complaint.

I have gone to physiotgerapy off and on since 1997. Both male and female. Also chiropractor and massage therapy. You do get in some odd positions at times but I can honestly say I have never felt the junk of my massage therapist on my body at any point, nor the pubic bone of any of them.

Has it gotten a bit uncomfortable as they have tried to re-align my back, yes but never with junk/pubic touching me!!! Usually with them with an elbow here or there to try and adjust me, appropriately. I have never wondered if the touch or adjustment was appropriate.

What this person is doing sounds very inappropriate!

It does sound strange, but it’s your husband to decide how to respond, I not you say you re raging on his behalf, but please do nt project your anger onto his behalf.

northern sorry I’m not entirely sure your sentence makes sense (it is early 😉) but I think I get your jist.

DP is apparently not that fussed 🙄 so I’m leaving him to it.

Maybe it’s because I’ve had years of this sort of shit and never said a word because I was too young / naive that it’s upset me so much. I also think it’s irresponsible of DP not to report the physio. Yes it’s a bulge rub today, who knows what someone else might get another day. But, it’s not for me to do so 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's a great shame your partner isn't reporting this, if he's sure that's what happened. This practitioner is a danger to any vulnerable patient.

Is your DP, or his insurance company, paying for this?

Insurance company. He’s says he’s going one more time and seeing what happens. As anyone who has dealt with stuff like this it’s hard to believe what is happening. He thinks the guy is weird but I don’t think it actually bothers him personally. But he did say if he was a woman he’d imagine being petrified.

Ask him to imagine that the guy's next client is a young man who is less confident and ok with it. Perhaps reporting it will spare someone vulnerable a damaging experience?

Based on your last post op you should report it.

Everyone keeping quiet just allows this to continue.

You know something so should speak up.

I don’t know who the physio is, without asking DP which would look out.

I will make sure it gets reported though at some point, even if it’s after the next appointment.

I think your husband is in denial. I’ve had stuff like that happen to me and it can be hard to accept because accusing someone of something so massive feels daunting.

Yep, I understand completely. But I’ve had years to come to terms with similar (and much worse) happening to me over the years. He’s still getting his head around it.

If only you could go with him. I'd be fuming as well. That sounds like a really dodgy physio.

Thing is, if he reported, wouldn't it be your DP's word against his? I'd be attending and pretending to be texting but taking a video.

Do you have a DS, or a teenage nephew? I'd be asking him to imagine how he would feel if a young person could feel a so called medical professional rubbing their erection on his head.

Is your DP conflict avoidant?

And I'm sorry you've had to put up with shit in the past. This must be quite triggering for you. Are you getting any support with that?