My bloody dad and his reactions *trigger warning*

[Nobodyelsewillbethere]

I need to rant and write this out in case my head actually explodes.

I was raped when I was 11 by an older cousin. Who we found out when I was an adult and contacted by police that had sexually abused another child and raped another adult. Unfortunately, because it was all historical the police didn't adhere to timeframes so the CPS didn't take it to court. Apart from social services keeping an eye on his children my rapist is walking around living his life normally. This is obviously difficult for me but I've kind of come to terms with it. I have bumped into him 2-3 times in public in my adult life and had strong emotional flashbacks. But I can and do cope. I have been pretty much cast out from my maternal family, but my parents and siblings have fully supported me.

I saw recently on FB that his parents (my aunt and uncle) were at my school friends 40th birthday party. No idea how she knows them. I had been invited to the party but cancelled as I was having an endo flare up. Thank goodness. But the images if them smiling, laughing and having a great time really impacted on my wellbeing. I drank too much in Sunday night, disassociated and nearly ruined by relationship with someone who I adore.

So I have gone to see a counsellor last night, who said I scored highly on the PHQ scale and that I'm showing symptoms of Complex PTSD so I should see my GP. Phoned, got an appointment but it clashes with school pick up so I've asked my dad to cover it for 15 mins. He's happy to do this. Asked why I was seeing my GP, told him the basics and he said 'Oh, you shouldn't let them bother you, that's silly'.

My parents just do not get it. At all. It's fucking bothered me. I know rationally a picture shouldn't bother me but it's brought up loads of feelings of guilt, anger, Shame etc. I can't help how I feel.

Now I feel like I'm wasting the GP's time and I'm pathetic. My dad has form for taking his feelings if helplessness out on me. I was in a very violent marriage and he often projects his anger towards my ex into me, almost blaming me. I'm so fucking done with it. Sorry. This is stupidly long.

Take the GP appointment and ignore your dad. for you OP.

(And do many typos because of the stupid crying!!)

You're not pathetic at all, and it sounds like your dad has an empathy bypass.

As you know his reaction to any reminder of how he failed to protect you will be less than helpful, in fact actively damaging to your MH, I would suggest you simply don't discuss anything on this subject with him (or on the subject of your abusive marriage.) If you need him to help with pick ups because you're having counselling, just tell him it's a gynae appointment. That seems to shut most men up!

It's shit that he reacts like this, and you deserve better. But it sounds like he's not going to change this late in life.

I hope your appointment goes well

There's something seriously wrong with your dad. Any normal parent would want to kill the person who'd raped his child.

You Dad doesn't get itbecause he's not experienced it and he doesn't have a high enough emotional intelligence to see why this would hurt you.

My ex from when I was 16/17 was abusive. If I smell anyone who wears the same aftershave he did I go into panic attack mode and when he came to chat with my ILs when U was sat there I nearly passed out even though 10 years had passed.

Trauma is individual, it's personal and it's real if you feel it. He doesn't have to get it - he either covers pick up or not, simple as.

I'm so sorry your family is dismissive. Often like you say it's helplessness but that makes it all about them, not you.

💐

Maybe - wrongly obviously - your df minimises what happened to you because of guilt.

Hope your appointment sees positive results for you op.