Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

DP says he is unhappy but why?

12 replies

Helen128726 · 19/03/2019 20:32

As the subject says really. DP has turned round last night and said he is unhappy, but still loves me. With no explanation to why he is unhappy, which has left me hurt, confused and upset.

Short* backstory
Together 4 years. No DC together but he has 2 DC from previous relationship. No arguing, DV etc in the 4 years spent together. We 1/2 live together, our home towns are a hour apart, so he has retained his property and I have my own. Stays here 1-2 nights during the week (around work/hobbies), then here at the weekend with DSC. Plans in place to look for a home together this year. Have a break booked in May and a family holiday booked in August.

All in all things have been good. I don't see a reason why he can be unhappy, we laugh, we talk, we have fun? It has just built up for a few months and then come out the blue.

What can I do, if anything?

OP posts:

8FencingWire · 19/03/2019 20:35

Ask him, we don’t know why...
But it would annoy me if he dropped the bomb and then didn’t elaborate.
Don’t overthink it.
Sometimes they’re just hungry.

Singlenotsingle · 19/03/2019 20:38

You'll have to ask him why. It's not fair to keep you wondering.

Penguinpandarabbit · 19/03/2019 20:44

There could be all kinds of reasons he is unhappy, it doesn't need to be related to your relationship. Could be work, general poor mental health, stress, money. Sometimes people don't know exactly.

I would talk to him and if he seems very down maybe suggest a counsellor and / or anti depressants. Men often won't talk about depression, fairly common age for male suicide. If he says he loves you and he's talking to you would assume its something else.

MyKingdomForBrie · 19/03/2019 20:46

Has he suffered from depression in the past? My dh goes through low patches which have no 'why' behind them.

llangennith · 19/03/2019 21:15

He may not understand why he's unhappy. Or he may not be able to articulate why. If he's worth it, hang in there and be supportive but not demanding. For now.

Bluntness100 · 19/03/2019 21:18

What do you mean no explanation? Did you ask and what did he say?

I'm assuming you mean he is unhappy in the relarionship and not in general and wishes to end it?

AIBUtopickanyoldname · 19/03/2019 21:22

Cherchez la femme.

Original poster

Helen128726 · 19/03/2019 21:44

Thanks for all the responses.
I've tried talking to him. It all came out of the blue, although he has seemed distance for some time. Last night he was due to stay over, he text to say he wouldn't be. I asked him why, he just said I'm just not happy at the minute. I asked him to explain / elaborate but didn't get anything else, other than we will speak later.
He hasn't seemed himself for awhile, but our relationship has been fine and we've planning for the future. We have no money worries, both run our own business which are doing well, the DSC are fine, and we've started talking to a Solicitor about applying for full custody. I've approached the topic before and asked if he needs to talk to someone, but he has always said he is fine, until last night.

OP posts:

SixDot941 · 19/03/2019 21:59

Only he knows and speculating doesn't mean any of us will get close to what it is because we don't know you both well enough.

Until you know what is wrong you can't help, but until he asks for help he probably won't accept it. Maybe it's the relationship, maybe it isn't. Just communicate and don't take deflection. Can't solve unknown issue until humans can mind read, sadly.

adayatthebeach · 19/03/2019 22:07

One small thing that might help does he eat healthy ? Doesn’t over drink or smoke?

Original poster

Helen128726 · 19/03/2019 22:26

@adayatthebeach
He use to eat healthy. But recently it’s more fast food and takeaways as he is away from home more, so we aren’t having the same home cooked meals.
He doesn’t smoke, but his drinking again has increased, because he is out more.

I wish I could read minds. I struggle with MH in the past, this seems to have not helped. Suppose I won’t get answers until I’ve spoken to him. I just find it so strange that a relationship we I thought was happy, seems to not be.

OP posts:

WisdomOfCrowds · 20/03/2019 00:29

Just working backwards here, if you've been together 4 years and he has 2 kids then I'm going to assume they're at least primary aged. You say he sees them at weekends so I assume they've been settled with their mother as resident parents for quite a long time now. You say he's going for he's going for "full custody" (I assume you mean "sole/ main residence") and obviously no right thinking judge is going to uproot happy settled children and just give them to the NRP simply because the NRP suddenly fancies it. So, from this I'm have to infer a backstory where the children's mother is extremely abusive and neglectful. There must be some recent conflict with the mother, basically, which leads him to believe his children are in danger, otherwise applying for sole residence after at least 5 years of status-quo as a NRP makes no sense. That's the only thing I can guess/infer from the info you've given, that he's sad and stressed that his children live with someone so abusive and neglectful that his only option is fight in court to have them removed from her care.

Flip