I've been such an idiot, how do I fix this?

[Lockcodger]

Please be kind because I know I have been a complete idiot and I'm already beating myself up for this but hopefully someone may not make the same mistakes as me after reading this.

I started a relationship with a friend who helped me escape a very toxic and abuse relationship, however he was also friends and living with my ex at the time. Because of the fall out, his friend (my ex) kicked him out and new 'D' P was essentially homeless and like a fool, I took him in.

He promised it would only be for a while until he found a place but then he started asking to borrow money for a specific thing that he needed which was alot of money. I agreed to put it on my credit card and he promised to pay me back monthly. Like an idiot, I never got him to sign any documents relating to this.

Over the next few months, the excuses came and went about why he couldn't pay me back and then he asked me to pay his car insurance (nearly £200). He needs his car for work and I felt pressured to pay it for him because without a car, he would lose his job and then I'd have no way of getting any of the larger amount back that he owed.

He asked me to do this two more times and again like an idiot I relented. This whole time (6 months) he has been living with me completely rent and bill free, promising with each payday that this would be the month he would start paying me back, but of course I never got a penny back. I've also spent money putting petrol in his car, bought him clothes and even lent him £50 so he could lend it to a family member which I never got back either.

We broke up yesterday and I asked him to leave. He spent the night in his car parked outside my house, accosted me on the way to my car in the morning and has been trying to talk to me all day, even though I made it clear I don't want to get back together EVER and that I'd call the police if he turns up at my house again.

I now realise he was most likely a covert narcissist and I'm so scared I wont be able to recover my money. I've been texting about the money today as I can't even afford my minimum card payment coming out on Friday and hes just been reading my messages and ignoring them.

I've submitted a small claims against him and have evidence of the payments made from my credit card but I'm scared without a signed contract or even a text where he says he'll pay me back, I wont be able to get any money back from him.

What are my chances of recovering the money?

Wtf though, why did you give him more money yesterday??

Just. Stop.

Don’t give him a penny more!

Good luck with getting the rest of your money back.

Yes, his post is still coming here but he said he's found a place of his own so I'm hoping he'll change it soon. I'm planning to move myself in the next few months and I'm hardly at home anyway so it doesnt bother me too much if he doesn't. I'll be applying for a mortgage soon (first time buyer). Do you think his name being registered here will affect my credit rating even though we have no joint debts (and his name was never on any bills etc)?

I gave him petrol money so he could drive to be with his family in London as I didn't want him sleeping outside my house in his car. Don't worry, I certainly wont be giving him any more money and it was worth the £30 to get rid of him.

Now he's signed an agreement and made the first payment, should I cancel the small claims? As other posters have said, even if I win, it may be difficult to collect from him and now I'm wondering whether it was enough to scare him and now we have a contract, I'd be more likely to get my monthly payments from him from that if I sont piss him off with court?

I feel so, so much happier now hes gone. All the weight of his problems are not my concern anymore and I have my house back!!! I didn't realise how much he'd taken over my space until he moved out.

I wont lie, the last few days have been hard and I did start to miss his company but it certainly doesnt outweigh how great it feels to be free!!

Glad you’re starting to feel the benefits! It is hard, I know, when you occasionally feel the pull of them (I think a lot of it is you just miss what you were used to, rather than actually missing that specific person), but you mustn’t backslide or give an inch. That way madness lies. Believe me.

As far as I’m aware (again, from experience), their disastrous debts etc shouldn’t have any bearing on your credit file. As long as they are/were in his name only and you have no joint financial associations, you’re safe. Will you see him to pass on his post? Again, be careful — these people will take advantage of any chink in your armour.

As for your claim, I’m not sure how that works. I suppose it depends how much he’s got to lose if he doesn’t pay you back — would he care that he’d fucked you over? I’d maybe leave it and see what happens over the next week or two. Things can change in the space of minutes, let alone days, when you’re dealing with this type of man. Again, I know this from bitter experience.

Hope you’re ok and make the most of being alone again x