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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Had enough... and DP changed

11 replies

mcqueenscarf · 19/03/2019 07:31

My partner has a history of saying he’s leaving and dramatically packing a case. In twenty years he has done this maybe half a dozen times. When he does it I beg him to stay (we have a son and I don’t work due to disability, I couldn’t afford to live without him). He stays.

He did this at the weekend and something just snapped in me... I ignored him, I let him pack and carried on as aid he wasn’t there.

He packed and sat on the sofa with his full case. And say. And then after an hour he unpacked his clothes and tidied the kitchen!

I wonder if he’ll ever do it again? I should have done this 20 years ago.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/03/2019 07:39

You're being abused by him.

He will likely do it again; he does this as well because he can and it works for him.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Do not stay with this man also because of your son here.
Is this person an ideal role model for your son to emulate and look up to, no he is not.

Am certain that your son also does not think much of his father for doing this to you and in turn him either. Its very unsettling for him too and its teaching him damaging lessons on relationships. He could well be looking at you as well and wonder why you're putting up with him doing repeated disappearing and reappearing acts.

What is the situation re the property and finances?.

What level of outside support do you receive?

Original poster
mcqueenscarf · 19/03/2019 07:43

I knew I would get comments like the above and you are right. But the relationship works for me right now.

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 19/03/2019 07:48

That’s actually quite funny-I hope he felt like a right plonker!

He clearly didn’t expect you to call his bluff!

ShatnersWig · 19/03/2019 07:53

I knew I would get comments like the above and you are right. But the relationship works for me right now.

So why did you post then?

Original poster
mcqueenscarf · 19/03/2019 07:55

ShatnersWig So other people could read what happened.

OP posts:
NewAndImprovedNorks · 19/03/2019 07:56

Haha!
Well played OP, it is what I used to do with the tiny DC when they said ‘I am leaving home!’...just wait it out.

But THEY were tiny DC...your husband is a dipstick

ILiveInSalemsLot · 19/03/2019 07:59

That kind of stuff is always attention seeking and manipulating bs.
Well done for not playing the role he wanted you to.

EdWinchester · 19/03/2019 08:00

What a horrible man. And guess what? ‘Begging him to stay’ over the years is exactly what he wanted.

I hope your son doesn’t witness this.

Hollowvictory · 19/03/2019 08:02

It does not sound like he makes you happy. Would you not rather get rid of him

ShatnersWig · 19/03/2019 08:03

How old is your son? As you've been with this abuser for 20 years your son must be a fair age. Has he managed to go without seeing any of this behaviour from either of you - it's not just about seeing his father berate you but seeing you break down and beg him to go.

If he has seen this, what sort of impression do you think he has of a healthy relationship?

This relationship may work for you but what about your son?

Original poster
mcqueenscarf · 19/03/2019 09:54

ShatnersWig My son is three!

OP posts:
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