Hi, this is the first time I've posted on here and I'm a bit nervous but I really need some advice. My husband and I haven't been getting on for some time now. It's actually pretty dire, he drinks excessively sometimes not even coming home from work before the pub so he doesn't see the kids (DS 3 & DD almost 2) for over 48 hours, and when he does come home it is often in the early hours, his attitude and temper is horrible the next day, he says the most horrible things to me, like just this Sunday he said 'go and find a tree and do us all a favour' and he doesn't care about saying this in front of our children. It's just one constant argument. He will try to intimidate and belittle me to get his own way and exert his control over me, which I try my hardest not to succumb to but sometimes I just do to get it over with and settle the situation. But then he'll do something like taking us to choose new bikes ready for our holiday next month. I end up questioning who needs their head looking at, him or me. Am I making him this way or is there something seriously wrong with him?! I have even contacted a counsellor through work because I'm questioning myself all the time.
Some will say 'just leave him' but the thing is I wasn't smart before I had kids and didn't have savings to fall back on and I have no family or friends with space to help me, I've asked! At the moment we are staying at my father in laws while our house is being done up to sell. My name is on the mortgage but he's saying he'll hide the money before I 'rob him' and if he finds out I'm going to take half he will simply refuse the sale. I want to leave him and make a fresh start for me and my kids but I just don't know where to turn. I can't ask my father in law to kick his own son out but then I can't find a place of my own while he's here (I'll need to start claiming universal credit to boost my income before I can even rent somewhere because I work part time since becoming a mum and to do that I need to be separated and living at different addresses). Once the house is sold and if I instruct a solicitor to give me half of the sale money I can't be in the same house as him because honestly I think he'll physically hurt me. Money and drink is everything to him. I give him two thirds of my wages every month towards bills and then I have my own personal bills and I'm always left with nothing. Where do I turn to next? What are my options? I feel like I'm failing my children bringing them up around this toxic relationship and they deserve better. Please help.
(Sorry for the essay)