Drugs

[Jasmine1002]

My partner came back from a night out last night and admitted to me that he has taken drugs last night. He knows my opinion on them, and that if he gets caught with it on him he would loose his job and I could too. We spoke about it but I think he could do it again. I don't want to be with someone who is going to take drugs even if it's a bit every so often.
What do I do?

Finish with him?
You don't want to be with someone who does drugs and don't think he will stop so you really have no other options here. Is he aware you would be willing to end the relationship over this?

What drugs does he take?

you make an informed decision and leave.

Drugs would be a dealbreaker for me. Depending on who owns/rents the house one would be leaving. Even if joint, I would leave before having a drug taker in my house. If he leaves you would be wise to search the house in case of any hidden drugs

I told him that I don't think I can be with someone who takes them but whether he believes me I don't know. I don't really know much about drugs, how quick you get addicted, what the behaviour is like on it or on a come down. I would be the one that has to leave as he has nowhere else, I have family.

Jasmine, you may find this drug information web site useful. Knowledge is power.

Thankyou, I have read up on some of it. Hoping that when he wakes up we can have a serious chat but he is one of them people who don't like to chat about feelings, life etc

Whose house is it? Who cares if he has somewhere to go! He is the doing the drugs! The drugs that could potentially ruin both of your livelihoods! What an idiot.

I would end it. It’s just not worth risking it. Does your work drug test as well? What about residual smell? Or just residue on him?

We rent a flat together and no but if he gets caught with it then it may ruin my work too.
I'm just stuck head and heart saying two different things. I just keep breaking down into tears

Leave or ask him to. Why on earth would you jeopardise your work or home by remaining with him. Plenty more fish in the sea and surely you want someone who values you more than drugs?

For me it would depend on the drug -which end of the scale. There's a big difference between smoking a joint and taking heroin

In terms of how quickly you can get addicted, it depends enormously on the types of drugs you're talking about, as well as the genetic/temperamental makeup of the person taking them.

But more worrisome is he is one of them people who don't like to chat about feelings, life etc . It's fine not to be a navel-gazer, but this isn't introspection for introspection's sake--it's a big deal to you and you need to be able to talk with your partner about important things.

@coco2891 Even if it could lose him his job and have a knock on effect on yours?

@ShatnersWig I forgot about that bit- I was thinking more in terms of how upset depending on what drug, but yeah if it puts both jobs at risk I'd be kicking him out the door ! 👋

Thankyou all for the advice

By staying you are choosing to jeopardise your career. By stepping over your boundary, he’s batted the ball into your court.

Be someone's priority rather than an option.

Why is there such a conflict between your heart and your head here; after all you think with your head. You cannot let such a person keep tugging at your heartstrings and going all puppy eyed on you.

His primary relationship is not with you; its with drugs. You have made your position on this clear previously, its down to you if you do not follow through on any threat to leave him. He will never take you seriously because you do not mean what you say.

Everyone is different with addiction.
I know someone recently who took heroin for the first time - he died!
If drugs is your deal-breaker then you know what you need to do.
It would be mine too.