First time posting as I am at a loss, a bit scared to go it alone and too embarrassed to tell a friend.
I have a 2 year old and 3 month old. I found out my husband has been having an emotional affair (meeting up after work with this woman, texting and deleting, and late night calls). I found out as he didn't delete a message and I checked his phone as I was suspicious because his behavior has been distant for months but worse recently. He at first was very angry and defensive (typical response apparently) but then admitted it but said there was nothing physical. I believe this (not that it matters, it just would have been a physical nail in the coffin, so you'll speak) but he's basically been using her to pump his ego and say how awful I am. She knows all about us even though I begged him to talk to me throughout the last pregnancy as I knew we were drifting apart. He wouldn't engage, preferring to sleep in separate rooms and just pretend we got on.
The worst part is he was talking/texting/seekng her throughout my pregnancy and continued this in the last three months since our daughter was born. I feel sick that he was with me giving birth. I feel sick that when I told him to leave for the night when I found out, he called her to talk about it (he actually told me her advice was that we work it out. Warped! Although I don't get the impression she was hankering after him).
Obviously I feel so betrayed as I was desperate to work at things beforehand with him. Now he has put me in an awful situation. This isn't the first time. Apart from spending the past year flirting and divulging personal details to this woman, I did catch him trying to start rude/inapproptiate messages with a random woman knows one of those word games online.
I believe I need to get him to move out as although he's said sorry, his actions aren't remorseful. He's carrying on as normal, assuming it'll get swept away like everything else. My problem is (and it's completely a logistical one) that I'm on maternity leave with two children and maternity pay. Our 3 month old is an awful sleeper and screams if she's put down for ten minutes. I don't know if I can do this alone. No family close by and I'm reluctant to tell friends as I know I'm hoping him moving out will make him realize he's lost his family and want go fix things. Is that weak? I grew up in a divorced family and I was do so desperate not to do the same to my tiny children. I also feel angry that getting him to move out will mean he gets a social life, sleep and possibly more contact with these women. Basically I'm angry I'll have to suffer and he'll get to enjoy his new freedom/punishment.
Sleep deprived, hurt and at a loss. I feel like such a faiyto my babies that their family will break at such a young age.