Is it worth breaking off a potential relationship now if there is something we disagree with that will affect us in 10 years time?

[Hooverrr]

No clue how to word the title. Been speaking to a guy online for about 2 years we were friends for most of it due to meeting on pet care group on Facebook. We have FaceTimed, Snapchatted, called, texted daily.

We plan to now meet each other (flights are booked) as we believe we get on super well and there is chemistry there. However, we have both said (previously when discussing as friends if we would ever leave our countries) and we both said no we like where we live, I appreciate there was no reason for us to say otherwise at that moment but still.

Is it worth physically meeting him (it would really hurt if I had to lose contact with him now/stop talking in a romantic way) but surely it will hurt so much more if we met in real life?

If neither of us would plan to leave our countries, is there any point? Even if he seems like a one and only?

Just go for it.

Look no further ahead than the next date and enjoy yourself. You never know what’s around the corner anyway

Honestly, OP this is mad, You're not really friends you've never actually met and you have no idea whether this idea of possible 'chemistry' will survive actually meeting. I'm a bit puzzled by the length that each step of this potential relationship is taking two years of texting and calling and you've only now booked flights to finally meet, and you think that a long-distance relationship is only going to start being an issue in ten years' time? Are you really happy to potentially throw twelve years at a relationship that ends because both of you are certain you won't move countries for it?

I don't think this is mad. It is unusual and the pace has so far obviously suited both of you. So it is ok. If this is what you both wanted, I do not see this as a waste of time. Not everyone looks at things like that. In fact, one could argue that 2 years of calling, texting show a high level of commitment.

In your shoes (which I actually am), I would just go ahead and meet him. It is possible the chemistry won't be as strong, but it is also possible it will be there. If you do not meet you will never know and might regret? If you do meet and it is not what you expected, at least you will know and can figure out a way to move on.

How old are you? How settled are you? I believe opinions could change, that either of you may be willing to move countries at one point in the future if this gets serious enough. You might be thinking too far ahead. Perhaps meet once, twice etc. and take up the subject again. But do not call off the meeting.

You think you can't be friends with someone online? We FaceTime daily, I talk with him face to face more than some of my friends

Just ignore it - I too think you can be friends without seeing each other. It is my experience. I have a friend I have not seen in 10 years, but we are on the phone constantly and I talk to her more than some who live in my town, where you have to arrange somewhere and something to meet.

In my case, a friendship that started around 2002 online has become romantic some months ago (we lost touch for a few years and have still not met).

It really depends what you define as friendship. If it means going out and getting pissed, then no, online friendship won't work. But I connect with people emotionally, through conversations etc. and this is how I maintained 2 LDR over years. Yes, I do miss seeing them, have a good time somewhere together, but this is what we planning on doing anyway and I look forward to it very much. I feel incredibly lucky so have such friends.

And I have 'physical' friends to, i.e. we meet regularly.

If you've already paid for you ticket, then go ahead and meet.

Have you actually dated people IRL in the past 2 years?

I don't see many of these things working out as the fantasy turned out to be better than the actual real life person plus the expense of moving to another country etc.

People claim to be in love with someone they've never met but I just don't think it is possible.

For example, someone shows you a picture and video of some food you've never tried before and they ask you if you love it and if it's your favourite and you say no, and they say just look at it, it has to be delicious from the way it looks. But in reality you don't know if you like or love the food until you have actually tasted it in real life.

Meh. I've found I regret the things I didn't do not the things I did do.

Got to be in it to win it.

Etc etc.

Do it but be prepared for it to hurt a lot when you leave. It's not necessarily doomed, the odds are certainly stacked against you... But life is long. You may think you know what you'll want in ten years but you may be ready to make a bigger change than you realised, or he might... Do it. Sounds exciting!

You can have a wonderful connection with someone and not have to spend the rest of your life with them. As much as you can have a wonderful connection with someone online.

I was in the same boat.

I met my DH online when I was living in the Emirates and he was living in Sweden. After lots of online and phone/video chats he flew out to meet me - and although we got on brilliantly, I said it wouldn't work as neither of us was prepared to move.

He didn't say much, just put his arms round me and danced with me, in my living room.

Turns out I moved to Sweden later that year, for a year, then moved back to the Emirates briefly and then we both moved to the UK. We've been married 10 years in October and have a 9 year old son.

You're really over-thinking this. Jump in!

@pissedonatrain
"People claim to be in love with someone they've never met but I just don't think it is possible."

I completely agree. What they are feeling is infatuation.

Love takes at least 4 months to kick in, because before that how would you know what the person is like?

I have been in this situation (We did love each other before we met! When it is there it is there). We visited and I knew his job meant that he prob could never leave his country.

I didn't want to leave mine but then the long distance was getting too much etc, lots of traveling. I decided to move, stayed in his country for 6 years and we got married had a baby. We now have moved back country (something we both never thought could be possible) and had another baby. Been together 10 years and honestly still so happy. Go for it. You never know and life is too short. Especially when you find someone you have a connection with.

*back to my country.

How difficult would it be for either of you to move? For example, I wouldn't be able to move for at least 12 years until my children were independent because I wouldn't take them away from their dad and familiar surroundings. I wouldn't enter a relationship with someone in a similar situation who lived too far. As it is I'm with someone who is in the same situation as me but only 1.5 hours away.

In your situation, if one of us was free to move then I'd take the risk figuring that if the relationship was strong enough, one of you would end up wanting to move to be with the each other.

Yes I don't claim I am in love, I just claim we have a good connection, we have deep conversations and I enjoy them a lot, we share so many similarities. Something I genuinely haven't even got with my friends irl. Neither of us have been irl relationships in the 2 years we have spoke... we were friends for so long of it so it's not necessarily because we were talking. He hasn't had a relationship for 5 years. I haven't for 3. We are both in our 20s, so we do have our life ahead of us and maybe I should just take each day is it comes and see what happens. Go and meet him etc etc

Meet him. You can't make a call on whether you'd move countries for him (or him for you) if you've never met him.

But if this does progress, open that conversation again. I wouldn't let it get too far if both of you are resolute that you won't move. Let it grow and experience it so you don't regret it; but don't dedicate your life to an online relationship if there's nowhere for it to go.

Take it a step at a time, give it a chance and see what happens.

Very happily married to my "personal import" for decades. 😊💕

Like I said before, if you've already purchased a ticket, go ahead and meet but with low expectations.

You've chatted and skyped daily but that is it. You only know about each other's world that is on the screen. You both have presented a curated image the other and have a connection just by words. It's very easy to do and build up a fantasy in your mind of how the other person is. You haven't actually done anything together at all. Never gone anywhere together, had a meal together, know how this person is away from you as if how they interact with others, how each other smells, their habits, etc.

For either one of you not to have a real life date with someone else in years is telling too that there is avoidance there. Is he even capable of sustaining a real life relationship or is online safer.

Just some things to think about. Best wishes with whatever your decide.

Go for it for now. You don’t really know someone until you meet them in really life. I had an online relationship an thought I was mad about him, but in real life he was arrogant, snidey and condescending, and he patronised waitresses and called them sweetie etc. So go and enjoy yourself. It might be amazing, it might be horrid, it might be a bit meh, but at least you’ll know.

Meet up, see if there is a spark in real life - it may be the catalyst that makes one of you want to move! Don't worry about something that may be irrelevant but if you do mind that magic you will want to find a solution

Dating someone long distance, especially from a different country, could be costly and difficult in the short to medium term and as you’re thinking mean dilemmas longer term - men rarely move to live near women IMO.

Simpler to date people living where you do, or be single if you prefer that.