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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need a vent & some advice

2 replies

ventalot · 18/03/2019 12:22

My sister is essentially a 'mistress' to a married man with 7 kids of his own. He and my sister have a baby together. Time and time again she has received messages of proof that he and his wife are still seeing and sleeping together but she has chosen to shrug it all of as jealousy from his wife. Even though there are pictures of them led in bed together, timed and dated! My sister's baby is 6 months old. She found it hard being a mum when my niece was born, she had and still does have really bad mental health. She has always blamed our family for her problems and always exaggerated things. She thinks she's pregnant again and she put us as a family through so much when she found she was expecting the first time. She had breakdown after breakdown all because her so called partner is a piece of shit that doesn't care. He left her a month ago and told her he wanted nothing to do with their baby, and now he's back on the scene saying he'd love to have another! I can't keep up with her life but I'm worried about her because she is so blind to the fact that he is using her, he doesn't pay for their baby and never has her and rarely sees her. My sister is left to do everything by herself and she does struggle at times like us all. Yet she still considers them to be in a stable relationship. But she has chosen to live 100 miles away from us just for him even though he spends most nights with his wife and their family they have together. I really want to help her see sense, all the facts are there and she's in complete denial. She even went through the pregnancy alone but believes he'll change this time around if they have another. It's hard to support her when she doesn't appreciate help and advice. She speaks to my kids like shit and makes nasty and mean comments about them and me but when it's her it's a different story. I love her so much but I don't know what to do? I feel like she's choosing him over us and she will never open her eyes. Sorry needed to vent!

OP posts:
Suspiciousmind007 · 18/03/2019 16:31

This is so sad! I am really close to my sister and if this was her life I'd want to help her too.

The thing is - it wouldn't happen because she would take the advice of her close family. She would never call me or my DC names! And if she did, it'd be the end anyway.

I guess what I'm saying my point of view is - your sister sounds like she's chosen to not be a very nice person. When someone makes mistakes with relationships, money, one-off actions etc, you can help them. But when they choose to be shit people you can't really. You can keep trying and cause yourself more pain or you can just let them get on with it and protect yourself and your family from their abuse.

NotTheFordType · 18/03/2019 16:39

Is your sister classed as a vulnerable adult?

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