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Younger guy

33 replies

Daydreamer19 · 18/03/2019 08:10

What’s people experiences/opinions on relationships with a younger guy? I’m 30 and he’s 18, and I have 3 children. He seems very mature and we get on really well with lots of things in common but his age is holding me back from letting things progress. Thanks

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 18/03/2019 08:18

It may work, it may not. More likely not, to be frank.

Do you want more children bearing in mind you already have three? Does he want children in his future?

If you're happy for something fairly casual, why not. But for a serious long-term relationship it is very, very unlikely to work.

Sakura7 · 18/03/2019 08:35

I think that kind of gap could work if you were both ten years older, but as it stands he's 18 and had only just become an adult himself. He still has a lot of maturing to do, and is at a totally different place in his life to you. I wouldn't peruse it.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 18/03/2019 08:42

Sorry, I'm the same age as you and the thought of sleeping with an 18 year old makes me feel sick.

Scoutsrus · 18/03/2019 08:48

He’s 18. Possibly still at school.

Definitely not appropriate.

A man of 30 with 3 kids chasing after an 18 year old girl would get slated for it.

SparklyMagpie · 18/03/2019 09:03

No way! I'd still see it as a kid. It's a big nope from me

wishywashy6 · 18/03/2019 09:22

I'm 36 - 2 kids. My partner is 26 - no kids - a similar age gap.
In all honesty, it depends on the individuals involved.
An 18 year old can be mature for their age just as much as a 45 year old can be a total man child
My bf has been paying his own mortgage since he was 19, is in a well paid managerial job, has just begun his own business and has generally just got his head screwed on right. He's fantastic with my children too.

Take it slow, keep the kids out of the picture for a while and just enjoy it for what it is right now rather than worrying about where it might end up.

B3ck89 · 18/03/2019 09:47

He’s only just turned Into an adult, I’m 29 and couldn’t imagine even looking at an 18 year old in that way, he’s probably only just left school or at college.
My son isnt that age yet but if he was 18 and dating a 30 year old with 3 kids she wouldn’t be stepping foot in my home, not to be an arse but because he has his life to live and I would not approve.
What would his family say?
Think very carefully before perusing this, let the lad find someone his own age

Musti · 18/03/2019 09:54

My eldest will be that age soon and I can't imagine him dating a woman with 3 kids so much older. Let him enjoy his youth with nobresponsibilities!

chocolatelog · 18/03/2019 09:58

I got with dh when I was 27 I had 3 kids, he told me he was 21 when infact he was 19. We've been together 7 years and have 2 kids together.

It can work, just depends on how much you both want it too.

sazzle27 · 18/03/2019 10:21

One of the best couples i know got together when he was 18, she was 30.
Trust your gut-remove the age and you've said he's mature and a great guy- I say go for it!
( theres 12 years between dp and me, but i am younger than him.. it's only birthdays and when people ask that i remember the age gap!)

Dirtybadger · 18/03/2019 10:23

Power dynamic with those specific ages is all wrong IMO. I wouldn't.

Sadiesnakes · 18/03/2019 10:33

Nope. He's essentially still a kid and if it were a man your age chasing an 18 year old girl he'd be labelled a sleazy predator and rightly so. It's not right and I think you know that.

MMmomDD · 18/03/2019 10:47

So - your BF is sitting his A-levels soon? Nice...
I am joking of course. But you don’t need us to tell you that at these specific ages - the power and life-experience misbalance is way inappropriate.

He is only just starting life. Barely an adult. Still needs to do the growing up, and playing around and discovering himself.

No reason why you and him can have fun together. Just don’t think it this as a long term thing.

Sunshineandflipflops · 18/03/2019 10:59

It’s not so much the age gap (although I think that is a ta tor too) but the fact, as others have said, that he is barely an adult legally and possibly emotionally. He may seem very mature but he isn’t lived anough life to be on the same wavelength long term as a 30 year old with children.
There is a very real possibility that he will want to do all those ‘firsts’ with someone who hasn’t done them before either (marriage, kids, etc).

Sunshineandflipflops · 18/03/2019 11:00

*is an issue too

mindutopia · 18/03/2019 11:36

There are 7 years between my dh and I. When we met, I was 28, he was 21. The age gap, though admittedly not as large, has never really been an issue. We had very similar life goals/plans and similar values. He was also quite mature for 21 (certainly more mature than the men in their 30s and 40s I'd been dating up to that point!). When we go married, he was 24 and our first dc was born when he was 25.

But two things, I think there is a big difference between 18 and 21. Those years are pretty formative. He'll either be just starting uni or just moving out of home and entering work. Living independently for the first time, making new friends, figuring out what he wants out of life. When I met my 21, he had a final year left of uni, a career path, a stable group of adult friends, had lived independently for 3/4 years, had travelled and also worked abroad in a developing country (we met while both working in said country actually). He was sort of ready for the next stage of life, settling down, etc. I'm not sure most 18 year olds would be at that point. Neither of us had any children at that time either, which is a huge complicating factor.

That said, there is no harm enjoying his company. I would just keep your kids out of it for now and anticipate it may not move beyond being a casual thing. If it does become serious in time, great, no harm done either.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/03/2019 11:52

All the research is saying teenagers aren't fully formed. 24 is about when they're 'adult'.

Also, yuk. I work with teenagers and the thought of fancying one as a grown-up mother is nauseating.

LovingMom2 · 18/03/2019 12:45

It is a pretty big age difference. Of course, everything is possible and "age is not an obstacle".
You already have 3 children and it is possible that this guy wants to find "mummy" and if you are satisfied with such a model of relationship than don't listen what others say and just be happy.
Only you can fully answer the question if this relationship will work. Firstly talk with the guy to see if he understands what it means to be in this relationship and then think through if your feelings are real and if you are ready to try this all to work.

EmmaGellerGreen · 18/03/2019 13:28

Is he one of the possibly fathers of your baby or is this someone else?

GraceMarks · 18/03/2019 13:33

Sorry, but no. A 12 year age gap might not be such an issue if both parties are older - say, a 30-year-old with a 42-year-old - but not when one of the two people is still in their teens. I'm not generally a fan of the "half your age and add seven" school of thought but in this case I think you ought to take heed!

I would also be asking myself exactly what this guy's interest in you would be. 30 isn't old by most people's standards, but when you're 18, anyone much older that you seems ancient. Do you have your own home and relative financial security compared with him? If I had a significantly younger man apparently interested in me, I would be on my guard in case he was a cocklodger in waiting, to be quite frank.

Dieu · 19/03/2019 16:05

It's wrong.

SuziQ10 · 19/03/2019 17:00

No way.

Frenchmontana · 19/03/2019 18:51

Honestly. I think its pretty awful.

Not the age gap itself. The fact that you have so much life experience having 3 kids and the fact that he is only 18.

Apart from the fact I couldn't imagine fancying someone who is barely an adult. I just can't imagine wanting to tie an 18 year old down with 3 kids that aren't his. Assuming you are wanting something serious.

In regards to age gap relationships, I know quite a few women who have been with men younger in serious relationships or married. They seem to last brilliantly, until the women hit somewhere around menopause age. 2 of these women are friends and they said that as their sex drive dwindled their partner, still in 30s early 40s found the lack of sex very difficult and it slowly damaged the relationship. Which is a shame because they were long relationships.

But I am in my late 30s and dont think I would be happy with a very limited sex life either.

The relationships I know where the man is older seem to last the test of time more. Not always, but more. But the ones I know all got together when the women were early 30s.

I do think if you get with someone (of either sex) in their late teens and early twenties, that person will change alot during their twenties and may regret settling down so young. Again not always, but often.

Orange6904 · 20/03/2019 15:37

Anyone that says an 18 year old is mature is deluded sorry.

pootyisabadcat · 20/03/2019 15:41

Barf! That's disgusting. You should know better. 'Mature' 18-year-old, yeah, right. Pretty cruel for an adult to saddle down a kid with their 3 children, too, IMO. They should be the bigger person, the adult, and walk away.