FWB to Relationship

[likeridingabike]

Has anyone successfully made the change from fwb to a relationship? Any advice?

We've been seeing each other for a couple of months so very early days, things had progressed beyond fwb and are now exclusive.

Between work and kids it's not easy starting a new relationship anyway, but when you've got into the habit of always ending up in bed making the almost backward step to dating is proving awkward. I need to spend time with him dressed and outside to see if this has potential to be a long term relationship.

The whole point about FWB is that it's not meant to progress to a relationship. But if you've already chatted about it and you're both exclusive, aren't you, well, in a relationship?

Why is it awkward if you've had that conversation to say "let's go out for a meal?" or "shall we go to the cinema on Thursday, I can get a sitter?"

I realise fwb is supposed to be just that but if there's a connection then I think it's worth a shot, it's about being friends after all not just the benefits I'm sure it can't be that uncommon. I was hoping to hear some experiences.

I started with FWB for a couple of months and it turned into a relationship we have been together 6 years now I have 3 dcs one with him and 2 from pervious relationship.

Me and Dp were friends in a larger group first, then we had a few drunken hook ups and very good sex and started FWB. Been together more than four years now and we're engaged with a Ds.
To be honest for us it was naturally progressing anyway, we'd started spending more time together doing stuff other than sex. I was the reluctant one to progress to BF/GF relationship, he wanted it sooner.
When we officially became my BF (cringe) I'd just come out and said "why aren't we in a relationship" he laughed and said "don't ask me, I've been trying to convince you for 7 months". And that was that! He did joke that we should make it FB official, I said no way. He gave in and posted a photo on Instagram instead.
We did have an official first date at his request, which I teased him about at the time. But I'm glad we did it now. I got dressed up he picked me up and took me out for dinner, we had a joke about it all. Sat down and did the whole "what do you do then?" And when he dropped me off he gave me and kiss and started with the I had a lovely time, let's do it again. I was like shut up you dickhead and get inside.

I felt we moved straight to the being in a relationship stage and not particularly dating, but we'd done that early part of do we/don't we like each other anyway. We knew we connected in the bedroom and we had a laugh together and honestly I think that's the best start to a relationship anyway.
Just go with it Op, enjoy the fact you know each other in the bedroom. Maybe arrange date night once a week. Even if it's a night in date night, just make sure you do something fun before the bedroom fun, play games, cook dinner, watch a film. But honestly I think those laid in bed after chats you find out more about someone than chatting over dinner (if they stay awake on you).

It can happen, but only if it happens naturally....
Are you sure that it’s what he wants? Since you mention there is some awkwardness involved....
Just because there is exclusivity - doesn’t mean that it’s a relationship or that it’s going that way. It can also be convenience and habit.

Why not take the pressure off - as it’s only need a few months anyway. And do what feels best - who needs forced dating anyway....
No reason why you couldn’t get to know each other better while having great sex too...
Plenty if time to chat while in bed too.

Josuk I think it's just awkward because we've settled into a pattern and it's quite sex focused, I want to make sure we're compatible in other situations really, and we're not wasting each other's time. I'm not wanting to rush anything, happy for things to develop naturally but we do need to mix things up a bit.

So - is it you who wants it to morph into a relationship?
It sounds like you entered into a FWB arrangement while actually wanting a relationship. Everything you say points to it.. and it’s only been a few months.

Sadly, you might be in for a disappointment....
One can’t force a relationship into a NSA. Unless both of you one day want to go for lunch, or a walk, or to meet friends - no amount of engineering a relationship will help...

(And I am speaking from an experience, btw... Had a FWB for a year, then we both slowly realised there were actual feelings and we started to do more of ‘couples’ thjngs. Not because we were testing each other - but because we wanted to...
And highly sexual relationship also continued, btw. It’s not one or the other)

Josuk It's been a joint decision to become exclusive and test out moving things forward, certainly nothing engineered, neither of us expected it to be anything more than fwb, in fact I expected less than that initially. I'm not saying the sex will stop, wouldn't want it to, but a fulfilling relationship is more than Netflix and chill, days out, holidays, meetings each other's kids etc. eventually. What's wrong with wanting the occasional date night?

I suppose it should happen fairly naturally and easily. You start having dinner at each other's places, meet for lunch etc. If you're compatible it'll work.

I was in a similar situation but it didn't work for me, we got on great as FWB but led very different lives and backgrounds and just didn't fit as a couple. Shame.

OP - you say you aren’t in a rush, but everything else in your posts suggest that you are.
Few months into any relationships - of any sort - and not the one that started as FWB - one shouldn’t be so overly focused on planing and making sure of anything.
It should be fun and effortless.
If you can - try to relax and take things as they come. You can’t contol the uncertainty.

You seem unhappy over the lack of date nights? Well - ask him out on one. Why not?

I have asked him on a date night. I was just after some incites.

What did he say?

He'd like to go on some dates, why wouldn't he? I didn't say I was having to force him, it's just a transition and I was interested to hear peoples experiences.

All good then?

I found it odd for a while @likeridingabike. Like we weren't really going out as things didn't feel that different and when we were out with friends I'd find it weird if he went to hold my hand or kiss me, as we'd kept things secret for a long time (although everyone knew anyway).
It didn't take long to feel like a couple though. Just try enjoy it and if it's meant to be it will work out.

GirlOnIt That's helpful to hear. We've both been single for a long time so I think it would be weird to be in a relationship however it started, I'm happy to go with the flow and see what happens.