Brexit mess has NOTHING compared to my life!

[namechange1796]

That really! My marriage of nearly 19 yrs (22 together) is basically over. We’ve been to hell and back too many times to count (financial crash, repossession of house, death of my dsis, miscarriages - there’s more). We’ve had many blow ups and it’s over conversations and yet we’ve stayed together. I’ve been sahm all my life - didn’t even finish my degree due to having my first child (never sat finals). I’m the wrong side of 40, have a large family (children), I have no relationship with my dbro’s, one “friend” who lives near (moved around due to DH’s job - lived in current location 3.5yrs). I have a superficial relationship with my parents who live 300mls away. Financially we are stable now, kids are all ok but I feel destroyed, which has probably brought the marriage to the brink again. So there we are...I just needed to get it out.

Is there anything specific that would make you think it's over?

It's sounds like you've been through a lot and that's obviously going to place a strain on your relationship.

OP why are you destroyed? Because of the past or is it something new?

@opies that there are lots of things I dislike about my dh & he me; that there’s no enjoyment in anything we do together. I accept I’m probably depressed but I also feel that my life - lonely, full of drudgery, boring at best and bloody awful a fair amount of the time isn’t really what I want! I also accept that I’ve made my bed and my children (ranging from nearly adult to toddler) require me to carry on doing what I’m doing.

@nakedacientist I feel like a shell of a person. I put my face on, I support the dh, the children (at least 2 of whom have high functioning ASD & therefore require a fair amount of daily support), I run the house single handed, doing 100% of the cleaning, washing, school runs, parents evenings, leasing with school over difficulties - I do the majority of the cooking. We share the ferrying around of children to activities and get online shopping. But other than that that’s all I do. We’ve had one night or together in 18yrs. Our last family holiday was 4 nights Xmas 2017.

Should read one night out

You need friends. Make friends.

If only it were so simple! The place we lived prior to here - hundreds of miles away - I had developed a good circle of friends - for the first time in my life tbh. We moved here for my dh to take his “dream job” (which rapidly became a nightmare and he left it after just over a yr) and I just don’t seem able to do the same. The vast majority of mums work full time and those that don’t...well they just don’t seem to need me! I’m sort of too old for the mums of younger kids and have nothing in common with those with older ones.

OP you are the right side of 50 though!

In the short term have you thought of going to the GP? You do sound depressed. They may be able help with meds and talking therapy.

Since you don't have many friends this is likely to be vital. Also you need to sleep well, you are posting very late at night and early in the morning. The doc can help with this too.

Don't focus on your marriage at the moment. Focus on you. When you have seen the GP think about a personal boost. Can you afford a treat? Hair cut, dress, perfume... Whatever floats your boat.

Medium term can you try Relate for your marriage?

Long term, maybe restart that degree at the OU. Find yourself again ( sorry if that's cheesy) underneath the caregiver you.

Can you move back to the other place?

I can understand where you are op. I've been married almost 13 years. 3 kids 2 at school 1 toddler. Im a sahm. Gave up work in November. No friends. No outside interests. Im fed up with my dh. He does nothing but disrespect me. Found out on Saturday that yet again he has installed fucking kik on his phone. I can't get into his phone because he has it locked but a notification came up when he was asleep. I got a load of tears and apologies and nothing happened. Apparently he does it because he's stressed. Im at the point now where I don't even know how to react anymore. I wish i had the strength to tell him to just fuck off. Get a bedsit somewhere but i know the kids would never forgive me. The older 2 are closer to him. I don't know how i would cope financially. I also haveba five grand loan to clear. Stupidity taken out to sort his shit out yet again. Sorry for rambling just want you to know your not alone