I think that my marriage is over

[Calvinsmam]

My dh has asked for a divorce tonight. He says that he doesn’t care where I go but it’s over.
I’m in total shock.

He’s gone off sex recently and won’t talk about it, he says how he feels about sex is his own personal business and has nothing to do with me. I’ve been feeling so rejected and ugly and we went out today with one of his friends and it was so obvious that he fancied her.
It made me feel about two inches tall and when I tried to speak to him about it he just started screaming I was mental and that he wanted a divorce,
He went and got his phone to record me because he ‘wanted the lawyers to hear what a mad bitch you are’.
But honestly I was just trying to talk to him about his lack of sex drive.
About a year into our relationship I found he was on tinder which he denied until he was was shown evidence that I knew and he said I was a psycho stalker that didn’t trust him.
He’s being so nasty and has said that he doesn’t like who I am or anything about me.

I know this is a garbled mess but I’m a bit of a state to be honest.

I know it sounds pathetic but I don’t actually know what I’m going to do.
We have three cats but in of them is my absolute baby and I don’t know how I can get somewhere to live with my cat.

I feel like an idiot.

First of all, you are not crazy - you are normal and sane. He will want to make you think you are crazy. He may even want to think that himself.

It’s a well trodden path. He wants to create a problem. The problem is he has wandered.

You're not crazy but you are well rid.

I think I probably am well rid, but what do I do?
How do I get a new life?

Practically - solicitor Monday
Morning. ASAP.

Till then. I'm sorry op.
You can't fall apart yet. Your a strong women. Get your shit together. Xx

I'm sorry your going through this. But right now luv, your shit needs to come together xx

Make it clear your staying in the house.

Get copies of everything.

See a few who offer free hours advice. Pick the best one- solicitors

Practically we own a house and he has a well paid job, I own a business which isn’t worth that much but is profitable.

He bought the house in his name and I am not on the deeds, but we are married.

Is your house bought or rented? You need to separate finances ASAP, remove yourself from any joint accounts.

He sounds a total monster. You don’t need to worry about getting a new life tonight. Deal with things one day at a time and one hour at a time. Just concentrate on getting him completely out of your life. Sort out where you will live and how to fund it. Get the divorce sorted. Be easy on yourself. Then decide how you want your new life to be.

See solicitor asap. Find out what your rights are re your home and finances. If you have joint accounts tell the bank what's happening.
Find someone you can lean on also. Do you have a supportive family?
Good luck. I know you feel like crap. He's behaving so badly. Nasty, hurtful experiences for you.
But as poster above said, you have to hold your shit together while you sort things out and protect yourself. You can fall apart once you know you have somewhere to live and you know your financial position etc

How long have you been married?

I actually have a really good support network,
I have lots of people who love me and I know I’ll be ok in the long run but I just feel sick right now.

We’ve been married four years

He sounds awful and with his history, he's probably cheating on you.

He's not worth it.
A solicitor will help on your entitlements.

When did he buy the house? Has he still got a mortgage? If so, have you contributed to that? You are married so you do have some protection there. As others have said, see a solicitor asap.

He bought the house when we were together and we’ve been overpaying the mortgage with me paying half

I am so sorry. He is most definitely cheating and trying to turn it on you. Dont bother arguing with him as h s already turned nasty. Ignore him hes not worth it and sort out finances asap. You will get a new better life soon. Stay strong for you. What an abusive knob he is.

He is quite emotionally abusive and has been for a while.

Absolutely none of my friends or family like him.
I just feel like a tit for wasting my time but also utterly terrified of what comes next.

There’s also a massive part of me that just wants to stay.

Don't be terrified. You are a strong woman to have dealt with being with him, so you can sure as hell do it without him. Yes it feels like you've wasted time but you haven't. You won't believe me yet but 20 months after my xh made me homeless, financially cut me dead and gave me a breakdown I'm happy and ttc with the most gentle, lovely man. What I learned from my disastrous marriage helped me get who I deserved. I accept it can't feel that way for you now because of the total betrayal but it definitely will in time. The light at the end of the tunnel will be a ray of sunlight.

Practically you need a good solicitor and to make sure you get yourself protected. Make sure you get what you fairly deserve from the divorce so you have a platform to heal from.

You have equal rights to the house, then, surely? But don't argue that with him. Let a solicitor deal with it. Don't forget to ask a solicitor about paying the mortgage if you're no longer living there.

Do you have somewhere you could go to?

I could move back in with my mam but it’s not ideal and there’s no way I could take my cat.

He’s fast asleep next to me, when I asked if he was upset he said ‘I don’t really have feelings so whatever’ and then I asked him what I should do he said ‘just move out it’s not that fucking hard to find somewhere to live’.

I’m actually stunned at his lack of care for me.

Jeez. At least you know there's no going back if that's his attitude. He couldn't be any clearer, could he?
Could you go back to mam's and put your cat in a cattery just till you get sorted? It must be awful sharing a house (bed?!) with that bloke

Clearly you need proper legal advice but 'move out ... find somewhere to live' when you've been paying the mortgage is rubbish.
I assume you're in the master bedroom, try to get him to move - across the hall or down the street. The marriage sounds over. As there are no children it's just about divving up assets.

Why the hell should you move? He's the one pulling the plug on the relationship, he can do the legwork and experience the inconvenience to make that happen. Stupid tosser.

Turn it around on him. Tell him you are not moving! Tell him to move his ass out! Get legal advice. You are married so should have rights to the house et al.

He is the abusive arse, he should leave!!! Tell friends and family, get IRL support as soon as possible.