Huge row with DP

[sachabloom]

I'm almost 37 weeks pregnant and I've just had the biggest argument with DP. To the point we were screaming at each other and I was/am hysterically crying.

I know I shouldn't be arguing or even stressing but I couldn't help argue back as he was being quite mean.

I guess now I am super super worried about baby. Not only will she be frightened listening to us but I am worried all my stress will hurt her? I've taken myself away from him and I'm taking deep breaths to try and calm down now.

Have i hurt my baby? I'm so scared 😭

You won't have hurt your baby, but you do need to calm down for your own health. What caused such a big row? Are things usually this bad?

I'm okay, I don't normally argue or raise my voice but I couldn't help it today. I didn't shout much just once or twice, but I did cry the entire time he was shouting at me. I should have walked away sooner, I don't know why I didn't.

I'm trying to watch a comedy now to try and just level myself now (I realise that sounds ridiculous and no it isn't working). But I'm breathing deeply and thankfully baby is moving okay. Poor little thing doesn't deserve this.

No things aren't normally so bad, however lately it seems everything I do riles him up. Don't know if he's panicking about baby or something else but it's driving me mad and I'm finding it really upsetting.

Thank you for replying to me, hope you don't think bad of me x

Is he controlling op?

I think he can be, but he says I am. That's what the argument was over tonight. He was shouting at me calling me controlling and I just snapped because I'm sick of him accusing me of being controlling when I can't think of a thing I've ever stopped him doing or even discouraged... whereas he does it to me all the time.

When I asked for examples that's when he got really angry and I think his anger upset and frustrated me so much I couldn't help but cry. I wish someone could listen to us and tell me what they think because he is convinced I'm controlling, and I honestly can't see it. And the fact he can't tell me a time I've ever made him feel controlled makes me think it's not true.... but why does he keep saying it!!!

From what I've learnt on Mumsnet pregnancy is a time when controlling men really get worse and abuse can start. Please be careful Op as this is when you are most venerable and if he is an abuser he will be at his most vile and dangerous. I have no personal experience of this so I could be way off the mark. Hopefully someone with experience will come along shortly with better advice.

He's saying it's you because if you believe him then he'll have even more power over you. It's what they do I'm led to believe.

I had some of my worst rows with my current OH in the last trimester of pregnancy with our first child together.
It was bloody awful and seemed inexplicable at the time. I was so worried about my baby after the worst row, I went to hospital and demanded (and got) an ultrasound because I felt her movements were reduced. Awful.
Looking back, we were in a new-ish relationship, started off the back if both of us leaving previous partners. Other children involved, we'd moved towns etc.
We have never been like that since. I think we just didn't communicate about how stressed and scared we both were: particularly that a new child was coming into the mix. I look back and think how stupid we both were not to be able to talk it through instead of him shouting and me in hysterics. You wouldn't believe we were the same couple nowadays

Oh yes. Controlling men. Just when you are about to give birth. The most vulnerable moment they can find.
I never forgave the df of my DC's for that and never will. We didn't stay together much longer after DC's. Sadly it took me a while to realise what had just happened. He even left with my best friend of the time.
Good luck.

Your baby will be fine. Your DH's behaviour is not on. Screaming, shouting, resulting in you being hysterical and crying? That's not good.

Is him shouting at you happening a lot at the moment?

Could you go and stay with family for a few days to get away from it and get some space/thinking time?

Your bub will be ok. One of my good friends dies a few days before my daughter was born, and I was equally as worried as you are now, so understand how you are feeling.

Sadly abusive men can become much worse when their partners are in a vulnerable position (pregnancy). Your ‘d’p is trying to convince you that you are controlling- that’s classic behaviour

I was going to say very similar to Palace13, the only difference being we were a long established couple.
Try to enjoy your last few weeks of pregnancy.

Your baby will be fine. One blazing argument won't hurt her in her insulated little home. Babies live through wars and terrorism and don't appear to be harmed . My mother was born during the Blitz when her mother was terrified night after night, and she was the happiest person I knew.

OMG stop trying to convince the OP that her OH is controlling/bad person. Also it doesn't matter what they argued about, how is that any of our business?

OP your baby is fine. Just calm down and chill out on your own.

I’m heavily pregnant too and the most critical and least tolerant than I have ever been. Me and my DH have disagreed because I’m being unreasonable and snippy when he doesn’t deserve it. Are you sure this isn’t the case?
My DH is in no way controlling, he’s very kind and passive but does resent me talking to him like crap.
Your baby will be fine. Calm down and try and be a bit more self aware. He might be controlling but also consider that you might be a bit of a nightmare right now too.

Will if that's aimed at me then I'm NOT trying to convince her of anything, her posts rang some alarm bells for me, so I simply asked the question, tbh if I had a blazing argument with my husband whilst pregnant, I wouldn't really post on Mumsnet unless I needed some help and my relationship had other issues. I was just thinking maybe the op was doing the same. There's nothing wrong in looking deeper into a call for help.

@Willisleepeighthoursagain whatever the argument was about, it shouldn't be accepted as normal and ok to shout and scream at your partner leaving them crying and hysterical.

The OP says she normally doesn't argue or shout and that everything she does seems to "rile him up". That's not normal or ok.

I have been very happily married for ever. My husband and I had big rows in the last trimester ( not like us). Both of us were picky, snappy and scared. It is so much better once the baby is born and things fall into place.
Women have always lived through stressful times and their unborn babies have been unaffected by outside events.
Hope you make it up with your husband and have a proper talk.

Why do you say he's controlling?

I hope you are ok OP. Your baby will be fine.

What kind of things does your partner do that are controlling?

It sounds like he’s messing with your head.

Try not to worry.
During my first pregnancy dh and I had lots of rows during the 3rd trimester, I even thought he would leave. We were renovating a house, I was either working or asleep, we were both touchy with upcoming change. Blazing rows were had and I was a bit of a state at times.

Our son is a very happy, well adjusted calm lad. :)

He was shouting at me
horrible treatment of his pregnant wife

I can't think of a thing I've ever stopped him doing or even discouraged... whereas he does it to me all the time.
he discouraged you from doing certain things- sounds controlling to me

When I asked for examples that's when he got really angry
he becomes angry when you challenge his behaviour

lately it seems everything I do riles him up.
no you are not responsible for his anger. HE is the only one who can manage his own moods