Hi everyone, really just needed to talk and get peoples opinion on where to go next.
So a bit of back ground, me and my hubby have 2 children together, January 2017 we decided to start trying for a third. In that time, we had a late miscarriage at 15 weeks in October 17, 4 early losses (around 4 weeks) jan 18, March 18, July 18 and September 18. And then we had an ectopic pregnancy jan 19, I was 7 weeks, my tube ruptured, I was internally bleeding (lost 2.5ltrs of blood) and had to have a tube removed. To say it scared the s*t out of us is an understatement. We have decided that we are no longer going to try for another baby, we have 2 amazing kids already and we just don’t want to risk it for there sake (and my own health as well). Now, even though I am 100% sure I don’t want to try for anymore, and have made that decision mutually with my husband, it still is a very difficult decision and one that still upsets me a little, even though I know it’s the right one. I try and deal with it on my own, without letting my emotions getting in the way of my kids life’s as they don’t understand what’s happened, but sometimes it just gets a bit too much. So decided to talk to hubby tonight about it and he’s reduced me to tears, walked off up to bed and made me feel like s*t for telling him how I feel. It’s really took me back as he’s very much been ‘if you need to talk, i’m Here’ but when I do i’m Made to feel horrible about it. I know it’s hard for him too, but we’re in this together. He said I sprung it on him, but I don’t know how else other than asking him to talk about it, i’m Meant to bring up the subject (if that makes sense).
So basically what i’m Asking is do I have a right to be mad that he’s made me feel like this, and how do I move forward from feeling so ‘rejected’ and alone? It’s quite a emotional time for me anyway as it’s the anniversary of my dads death on Tuesday.